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Polyamory
Defined: The theory and
practice of openly maintaining multiple sexual and/or
romantic
relationships.
Polyamory (many loves) is a relatively |
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new word created to describe those relationships where an adult intimately
loves more than one other adult. This includes forms like open couples,
group marriage, intimate networks, triads and even people who currently
have one or no partners, yet are open to the possibility of more. It is
the antipathy of monogamy.
People who describe themselves as polyamorous also usually
embrace the value of honesty in relationships. They do not want to have
affairs or cheat on a loved one and are dedicated to growing beyond jealousy
and possession in relationships. It is usual for them to make safer sex
agreements and be committed to full sharing of communication.
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Why is Polyamory
Preferred by Some People?
Expanded Family: Where three or more people choose
to live as a family unit. This usually involves a commitment between each
of the partners and decisions are usually made by mutual consent. The term
expanded family is also used to describe the core family and their closest
supporting friends, families, and lovers.
Group Marriage: Three or more people who agree
to "marry" each other. Group marriages, just like coupled marriages, may
or may not be open to other partners.
Intimate Network: A term describing the social
web that results from having sexual relations with friends and lovers of
yours and your partners and perhaps their friends and lovers, etc.
Non-Monogamy: The practice of creating intimate
relationships that may include sexuality which do not require sexual exclusivity.
As a result, there may or may not be more than one such relationship occurring
at a time.
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What are the
Types of Polyamory Relationships?
Open Relationship/Open Marriage: A mutually agreed
upon non-monogamous relationship or marriage.
Triad Relationship: Visualize a triangle
with all three points joined by connecting lines. This symbol pictures
the kind of relationship where three people share intimacy with each other
in any combination. Triads consist of two same sex partners and one
single sex partner; one male and two females or one female and two males.
They may share intimacy together as a threesome or as a pair, including
the same sex partners.
Vee Relationship: Visualize the letter 'V.'
Notice that the top two points converge at the bottom. This symbol
is used to picture two people who related to a third person but not to
each other. This could involve a single sex partner who relates to
two same sex partners (e.g. a male and two females) or to two opposite
sex partners (e.g. a male, female, and a bisexual
male). |
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What are the
Problems Associated with Polyamory?
Making a transition from a traditional relationship to
a non-monogamous lifestyle can be stressful and involve growing pains.
Living in a new way requires learning new skills and overcoming a lifetime
of socialization. What sounds idyllic and reasonable in theory is
much more complicated and difficult to work out logistically as well as
emotionally. People with the best of intentions often discover that they
have many intense insecurities and fears based on certain core beliefs
about themselves, about their partner(s), and about relationships in general.
Most people find that they experience jealousy,
to a lesser or greater extent, especially when first embarking on this
lifestyle. It usually takes time, thought, talking it out, and reassurance
from one's partner(s) to let go of jealous feelings. Some people
find that they continue to feel jealous at times. Others are able
to overcome it altogether and go on to embrace polyamory as a lifestyle.
Still others consider it to have been a major mistake and walk away from
it never to return.-
After the initial fear of change and the anxiety of charting
unknown territory subsides, many people feel comfortable with non-monogamy
as long as they feel secure that they are loved and will not be abandoned.
One strategy that has worked well to minimize fears and jealousy is to
decide on rules and parameters which feel safe and supportive. For
instance, is it okay to have casual affairs?
Do you want advance notice if your partner meets someone and wants to initiate
a sexual relationship? Does your spouse or partner(s) have veto power
over your choice of potential partners? Do you have an agreement
on safe-sex guidelines to prevent being exposed to sexually transmitted
diseases? Do you want to participate in sexual relationships with
more than one partner or be involved with your partner(s) lovers? Do you
feel you will have enough love and attention from your partner(s) if they
have other relationships? How much time will you allow your partner(s)
to spend with other lovers? Who will spend holidays and vacations
together? What about children and other family members? Do
you want to have children and who will
have parental responsibilities? Will all partners live with you?
Is one partner a primary spouse or are all partners equally important in
terms of time and commitment?
Will you pool your financial resources or do you want financial autonomy?
Are you going to "come out" about your lifestyle to family, friends, and
co-workers, or would you prefer to remain closeted?
While many of these questions need to be addressed in
any relationship, they are even more crucial to resolve in non-monogamous
relationships and can go a long way toward preventing misunderstandings,
anger, and jealousy. Most people experience less of the anxiety and
insecurities and more of the satisfaction and rewards of non-monogamy if
they know what to expect. Furthermore, they feel secure that their
partners will abide by rules that are mutually agreed upon.
Each situation is as unique as the particular individuals
involved. Only trial and error will tell what will work for each
relationship or family. A lifestyle may look great on paper but may feel
completely different when actually living it. With an open mind and
some rules that feel comfortable, those involved can develop a long-term
situation that works for everyone.© all rights reserved
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The mission of this not-for-profit website is to promote clear insights
and toleration regarding the many variations of primary relationships that
exist in our world. We ask for neither acceptance or approval but
hope that each visitor who reviews the pages of this site will leave them
with a better understanding of the numerous cultural, historical, preferential,
religious, sexual, and sociological approaches to coupling that have always
existed and will continue to exist as long as there are at least two human
beings living on this planet. If the effort put into creating and
maintaining this site results in others coming to the realization that
the basic human need to love and be loved takes on many forms which are
accepted by those who practice them, whether right or wrong as determined
by the personal belief system of others, then it will have served it's
purpose well. |
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