The Children

   Who would argue that the greatest miracle of life is that of reproducing another human being who is half yourself and half the one you love best?
   Bringing a new life into the world is nothing less than a miracle.
   It has also been said that children are a gift from God. No one would dispute that, including those who do not accept the existence of any kind of deity. However, there are times in a parent's experience when children seem to have come from another source than God and the word "gift" just doesn't seem to be appropriate. Kids can be an absolute blessing and, at times, a major cause of stress and frustration.
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Baby Stage...
   Everybody loves a baby.
   From the moment the little guy/gal is born, a continuous line of family members and friends have to oogle what is, as Bill Cosby has pointed out, more akin to a bunch of Jello than a real human being.
   These tiny little creatures remind us of the circle of life. In them, we see our best hopes for the future and the bringing together of two people's love for one another. They are indeed miraculous.
   Babies coo and flash sweet little smiles. They are so soft and cuddly to hold and look just like angels when they are sleeping.
   They also make horrible messes in their diapers, produce awful screaming sounds when they are hungry, and cry all night long when you are trying to get some sleep to face the next day.
   The good and the bad.
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Toddler Stage...
   Our four children were fine until their second birthdays.
   It is my personal belief that, just as there is a tooth fairy, there is also a terrible-twos fairy. This little winged creature quietly slips into the homes of good, decent, hard working parents and makes a bee-line for their toddler's bedroom. Before this foul little creature makes her exit, she taps their innocent child on the forehead with her prickly little wand and-- Whammo! What was once a sweet little baby wakes up the next morning with a new mission--to make everyone's life a living Hell. Well, figuratively speaking, that is.
    Something was wrong with our first one. The terrible-twos fairy must have accidentally left him off of her list. It can happen. However, she was right on time with the other three.
    The next few years can be summarized as your child pitting his/her will against your will. This is where your toddler decides to take every item out of the toy box and throw them all over the room. Of course, you tell the child to clean up the room but for some reason the child has gone deaf.   To help the child, you show it how to pick up one of the toys and put it back in the toy box. Upon doing this, the child looks at you as if to say, "Keep going. You are doing just fine."
   A committed parent will experience hours of will-testing just to teach one lesson. On the other hand, parents who blow it at this stage are in for major problems later on.   Children who have been taught early on that they will not always get what they want or be able to do as they please now have a good chance of making it to the next stage. Those who do not learn this lesson at this stage can actually continue their terrible twos up through the failure of their first three marriages. Those who have been married to such people will agree with the last sentence.
   Toddlers can be adorable. They can also be horrid.
   The good and the bad.
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The Young Child Stage...
Up to now, your child has been totally dependent upon you. Now that they are beginning to be socialized within the context of a school classroom, they are beginning to discover something new--friends. They will need these for the rest of their lives. Girls will use them later on to share tidbits of other people's business and boys will use them to tell each other how slick they are with the girls. Having friends starts at this level.
   With these friendships comes the natural exposure to different kinds of lifestyles. As your children visit the homes of their friends, they will begin to inform you about such things as, "Tommy's parents let him stay up until midnight and he can watch anything on television that he wants to see." Your response will be something like, "Well, you are not Tommy and we are not Tommy's parents, so turn off the television and go to bed." Even before the words get out of your mouth, you will already sense that anything you say will no longer be accepted if it conflicts with their notion of what they want. Tommy knows more than you do. This mindset will last until your child has children of his/her own. After that, you will become their all-knowing expert and also the place where they will leave their children every Friday night.
    You will also enjoy many wonderful experiences at this stage. Play with your children. Take them to places where you can be a family together. Give them lots of hugs, kisses, and "I love you"s. Go to the parent-teacher conferences, the school plays, and all of their tee-ball games. You see, this time in life flies by at jet speed. If you don't take the time to enjoy them, you will regret it for the rest of your life.
    So, until they figure out that Tommy's parents were basically irresponsible and that you were indeed a loving, responsible parent, remember that this stage is filled with plenty of....
   The good and the bad.
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The Teenager Stage...
Up to now, you have been on a Sunday school picnic. On your child's thirteenth birthday, another fairy comes along and inflicts your child with the "3 Rs" -- Relationships, Rebellion, and Rock 'n' roll. This is not good.
    Of course, if you talk to the psychologists, they will tell you that the need of teenagers to express themselves regarding their natural romantic attraction to others is a good thing. They will go on to remind you that the tendency to rebel is inherent in all human beings as is the need to get out and have some fun wherever it might be found. No doubt, they are right on all counts.
    However, from a parent's point of view, you would much rather that they would remain innocent, respectful, and very quiet. Since this is not going to happen, it doesn't matter that you have been an athiest up to now. It's now time to start believing in God because you are going to need a lot of supernatural intervention from some kind of deity to help you get through the next several years. The birth of your child may have been a miracle but now you are going to need one of your own to survive until someone finally has a twentieth birthday.
   Still, there will be plenty of wonderful shared moments together. Be involved in their lives and don't make excuses regarding how busy you are to get out of going to their sports events, school presentations, and taking part in those community events where teens and parents are encouraged to do good things together. Make special times where you can have time to talk with them. Be a good listener and avoid making declarations of how they are to think. Rather, share your views of life and give them a little slack when it comes to figuring some things out for themselves.
   My best memories in life are those of building a stereo cabinet with my oldest son, watching my oldest daughter play varsity basketball, teaching my youngest son how to play tee-ball, and accompanying my youngest daughter with my guitar when she sang solos in church. Don't cheat yourself out of your own special memories. Give them the space that they need but be there for them when they need you more. Their teenage years will be the best years of both of your lives.
    They'll drive you crazy with their desire to feel grown up long before they ever become mature while providing you with some very nice moments as
well.
    When the day comes that they walk across a high school auditorium stage and receive their diploma, you will know that it has all been well worthwhile.
    I've had the experience of dropping off my oldest at a college in another city--of standing outside our home watching another one of our children get into a car with his Marine recuriter to go off to basic training. It was those moments that forced me to recall all of those special moments from the time we brought each of them home as babies to seeing them finally reach the point where they were able to leave the nest and begin their own lives as responsible, good people.
    I remembered the good and the bad and, all of a sudden, the bad began to fade and all what was good became the best memories of a lifetime.

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The mission of this not-for-profit website is to promote clear insights and toleration regarding the many variations of primary relationships that exist in our world. We ask for neither acceptance or approval but hope that each visitor who reviews the pages of this site will leave them with a better understanding of the numerous cultural, historical, preferential, religious, sexual, and sociological approaches to coupling that have always existed and will continue to exist as long as there are at least two human beings living on this planet. If the effort put into creating and maintaining this site results in others coming to the realization that the basic human need to love and be loved takes on many forms which are accepted by those who practice them, whether right or wrong as determined by the personal belief system of others, then it will have served it's purpose well.