The Commitment

   The dance between the sexes is sometimes confusing. More often, it is mind boggling. Conversely, there are those moments when everything makes perfect sense.
   Even though it is currently politically incorrect to draw contrasts between men and women, the truth is that we do not always think alike--especially when it comes to the subject of mutual commitment in an exclusive relationship.
   That being the premise for this article on the subject of commitment, I would ask you to consider the following points. You may not agree with them but I have no doubt that you will understand that they are one man's best attempt to understand this important facet of any successful relationship, as well as those who represent the general viewpoint of the opposite sex.
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Does Physical Intimacy Indicate Commitment?
   From a woman's point of view, when she gives herself to a man, his sharing intimacy with her indicates a commitment. Of course, there are those times when consenting adults consider a sexual experience as being nothing more than a one night stand and no more. However, I am not referring to those kinds of situations. The thought here has to do with those women who desire a serious relationship with a man and assume that their first time in bed together carries the weight of having made a exclusive commitment to each other.
   However, men who enjoy a sexual interlude with a woman do not necessarily feel that way at all. No doubt, there are some men who would agree that physical intimacy does mean that a commitment has been made. Although, generally speaking, the vast majority of men do not equate sex with exclusiveness. They equate sex with sex.
   Interestingly enough, women cannot understand why men seem so clueless in this respect. By contrast, men are amazed that females seem to jump to such premature conclusions just because of a few romps in the
bed together. It's a serious disconnect between the sexes that has not changed one single bit over the entire course of human history. Agree with it or not, that's the way that it is in most cases. Perhaps you will be fortunate enough to find someone who sees it the same way as yourself. However, I wouldn't count on it.
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Does a Long-term Relationship Indicate Commitment?
The mindset of the sexes seems to be in agreement regarding this point. Although, there are those who would assume that there would be more commitment between two people who have been together for a long time, it is not necessarily true.
   First of all, people change. The person you started out with is not going to stay the same way as you first found him/her. Hopefully, the changes will only deepen your relationship. However, if either one of you do not channel those changes to benefit what defines your relationship as a couple, then the factors that could very well spell the end may already be in place. You will either adapt to the changes or you will become resistive of them. If you choose the latter, it doesn't matter how long you have been
together.
   Secondly, outside influences can negatively impact even the best of relationships. A man who falls in love with a recently divorced woman may be shocked when she announces that, regardless of their last few years together, she now wants to be independent and free to rediscover herself. There was a time when women accepted society's rule that they needed to be married if they were to expect full acceptance by others. Contemporary thinking no longer restricts women in this way. As a result, there are many who enjoy a rebound relationship after their marital breakups, only to sprout wings and fly away due to our culture's new emphasis on individuality and independency.
   Finally, divorce no longer places a black mark on those who experience it. What was once a curse is now acceptable. This changing attitude is the biggest reason why one out of every two marriages fail. People who once remained married because of shared history and family tradition, even though they no longer romantically lovde each other, now refuse to stay in such a relationship. Instead, they divorce and begin seeking for love again.
    Longtime relationships only remain committed when both people continue to work at it and never take each other for granted.
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Does Marriage Guarentee Mutual Commitment?
One might as well ask if owning a title to a car indicates that it will never be traded in for a newer model.
   "Til death do us part" no longer holds the same significance. This wedding vow phrase is now understood to mean "Til the death of our relationship takes place and we divide our assets." Of course, there are those who are totally irresponsible when it comes to the promises made to their mates at the wedding altar. On the other hand, there are many more who were absolutely serious about those vows but have reached a point to where the love between them and their mates has died. Consequently, regardless of the many self-help books, relationship seminars, and the best efforts of any marriage counselor, what was once a heart-felt commitment comes to an end. One mate usually realizes it fully while the other still tries to hang on to what few shreds remain of the relationship.
   If marriages are made in heaven, then why do half of them end up going to hell? Unless you know something that the rest of us don't understand, your marriage has no more of a guarentee than the rest of us. If you are not willing to to work at reaffirming your commitment each and every day, the chances are that it will begin to slip and eventually fail.
   It takes two to do the Tango. It only takes one to end the dance--especially if they feel that the other does nothing but step on their toes.
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Will Shared History and Family Tradition Preserve Commitment?
Have you ever noticed an elderly couple who seem to say next to nothing when they are together? We like to romantisize our observations of them as their being so in tune with each other that they now speak to each other with only their eyes. Perhaps we would be closer to the truth if we were to entertain the idea that they probably haven't really loved each other for a long time. The only reasons they are still together is because of their many years of shared experience and the expectations of others, whether it be their children or the morals of their generation (or both).
   Loving relationships can simply wear out. Some wind down slowly and others end with a thud. Whatever the case, shared history and family are not always enough to keep one mate tied to another. Someone might make a leap for freedom and pity the mate who doesn't get it.
   Just as there are those who would sacrifice romantic love to stay married for all of the "right reasons," there are those who cannot live without love. In fact, some will risk family, careers, and anything else to break out of a flat-lined relationship so that they can be free to pursue their hope of finding it again.
   Whatever you do, make sure that you do not allow yourself to be lulled into a false sense of security just because you and your mate have been together for many years and have raised a household full of children together. Many marriages break up when the nest becomes empty.
   Again, if you don't work at keeping the romance in the relationship, you have no guarentee that it will last forever.

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The mission of this not-for-profit website is to promote clear insights and toleration regarding the many variations of primary relationships that exist in our world. We ask for neither acceptance or approval but hope that each visitor who reviews the pages of this site will leave them with a better understanding of the numerous cultural, historical, preferential, religious, sexual, and sociological approaches to coupling that have always existed and will continue to exist as long as there are at least two human beings living on this planet. If the effort put into creating and maintaining this site results in others coming to the realization that the basic human need to love and be loved takes on many forms which are accepted by those who practice them, whether right or wrong as determined by the personal belief system of others, then it will have served it's purpose well.