| The dance between the sexes is sometimes confusing.
More often, it is mind boggling. Conversely, there are those moments
when everything makes perfect sense.
Even though it is currently politically incorrect to draw
between men and women, the truth is that we do not always think alike--especially
when it comes to the subject of mutual commitment in an exclusive relationship.
That being the premise for this article on the subject
of commitment, I would ask you to consider the following points.
You may not agree with them but I have no doubt that you will understand
that they are one man's best attempt to understand this important facet
of any successful relationship, as well as those who represent the general
viewpoint of the opposite sex.
Intimacy Indicate Commitment?
From a woman's point of view, when she gives herself to
a man, his sharing intimacy with
her indicates a commitment. Of course, there are those times when
consenting adults consider a sexual experience as being nothing more than
a one night stand and no more. However,
I am not referring to those kinds of situations. The thought here
has to do with those women who desire a serious relationship with a man
and assume that their first time in bed together carries the weight of
having made a exclusive commitment to each other.
However, men who enjoy a sexual
interlude with a woman do not necessarily feel that way at all.
No doubt, there are some men who would agree that physical
intimacy does mean that a commitment has been made. Although,
generally speaking, the vast majority of men do not equate sex with exclusiveness.
They equate sex with sex.
Interestingly enough, women cannot understand why men
seem so clueless in this respect. By contrast, men are amazed
that females seem to jump to such premature conclusions just because of
a few romps in the
bed together. It's a serious disconnect between the sexes that
has not changed one single bit over the entire course of human history.
Agree with it or not, that's the way that it is in most cases. Perhaps
you will be fortunate enough to find someone who sees it the same way as
yourself. However, I wouldn't count on it.
Does a Long-term
Relationship Indicate Commitment?
mindset of the sexes seems to be in agreement regarding this point.
Although, there are those who would assume that there would be more commitment
between two people who have been together for a long time, it is not necessarily
First of all, people change.
The person you started out with is not going to stay the same way as you
first found him/her. Hopefully, the changes will only deepen your
relationship. However, if either one of you do not channel those
changes to benefit what defines your relationship as a couple, then the
factors that could very well spell the end may already be in place.
You will either adapt to the changes or you will become resistive of them.
If you choose the latter, it doesn't matter how long you have been
Secondly, outside influences can
negatively impact even the best of relationships. A man who falls
in love with a recently divorced woman may be shocked when she announces
that, regardless of their last few years together, she now wants to be
independent and free to rediscover herself. There was a time when
women accepted society's rule that they needed to be married
if they were to expect full acceptance by others. Contemporary thinking
no longer restricts women in this way. As a result, there are many
who enjoy a rebound relationship after their marital breakups, only to
sprout wings and fly away due to our culture's new emphasis on individuality
no longer places a black mark on those who experience it. What was
once a curse is now acceptable. This changing attitude is the biggest
reason why one out of every two marriages fail. People who once remained
married because of shared history and family tradition, even though they
no longer romantically lovde each other, now refuse to stay in such a relationship.
Instead, they divorce and begin seeking for love again.
Longtime relationships only
remain committed when both people continue to work at it and never take
each other for granted.
Guarentee Mutual Commitment?
might as well ask if owning a title to a car indicates that it will never
be traded in for a newer model.
"Til death do us part" no longer
holds the same significance. This wedding vow phrase is now understood
to mean "Til the death of our relationship takes place and we divide our
assets." Of course, there are those who are totally irresponsible
when it comes to the promises made to their mates at the wedding altar.
On the other hand, there are many more who were absolutely serious about
those vows but have reached a point to where the love between them and
their mates has died. Consequently, regardless of the many self-help
books, relationship seminars, and the best efforts of any marriage
counselor, what was once a heart-felt commitment comes to an end.
One mate usually realizes it fully while the other still tries to hang
on to what few shreds remain of the relationship.
If marriages are made in heaven,
then why do half of them end up going to hell? Unless you know something
that the rest of us don't understand, your marriage has no more of a guarentee
than the rest of us. If you are not willing to to work at reaffirming
your commitment each and every day, the chances are that it will begin
to slip and eventually fail.
It takes two to do the Tango.
It only takes one to end the dance--especially if they feel that the other
does nothing but step on their toes.
Will Shared History
and Family Tradition Preserve Commitment?
you ever noticed an elderly couple who seem to say next to nothing when
they are together? We like to romantisize our observations of them
as their being so in tune with each other that they now speak to each other
with only their eyes. Perhaps we would be closer to the truth if
we were to entertain the idea that they probably haven't really loved each
other for a long time. The only reasons they are still together is
because of their many years of shared experience and the expectations of
others, whether it be their children or the morals of their generation
relationships can simply wear out. Some wind down slowly and
others end with a thud. Whatever the case, shared history and family
are not always enough to keep one mate tied to another. Someone might
make a leap for freedom and pity the mate who doesn't get it.
Just as there are those who would
sacrifice romantic love to stay married
for all of the "right reasons," there are those who cannot live without
love. In fact, some will risk family, careers, and anything else
to break out of a flat-lined relationship so that they can be free to pursue
their hope of finding it again.
Whatever you do, make sure that
you do not allow yourself to be lulled into a false sense of security just
because you and your mate have been together for many years and have raised
a household full of children together. Many marriages break up when
the nest becomes empty.
Again, if you don't work at keeping
the romance in the relationship,
you have no guarentee that it will last forever.
© all rights reserved - 10/22/2001--
The mission of this not-for-profit website is to promote clear insights
and toleration regarding the many variations of primary relationships that
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with a better understanding of the numerous cultural, historical, preferential,
religious, sexual, and sociological approaches to coupling that have always
existed and will continue to exist as long as there are at least two human
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the basic human need to love and be loved takes on many forms which are
accepted by those who practice them, whether right or wrong as determined
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