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| Family
Defined:-A fundamental social
group in society typically consisting of parents and their offspring; two
or more people who share goals and values, have commitments
to one another, and reside usually in the same place. |
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What are the
Benefits of Having Children?
There is nothing in the world like the moment when you
hold a newborn baby in your arms, realizing that this child is half you
and half the one you love more than anyone else.
It gets better.
Despite the terrible twos and the challenges of the teenaged
years, raising children can be a wonderful experience for couples who maintain
a healthy, loving relationship.
This writer has fond memories as a father of holding my
two girls on my lap when they were little, all cuddled up, listening to
Christmas music on the stereo while admiring the ornaments on the tree
in the living room together. I've had my hair done, marveled at the
first "cakes" that came out of their play bake ovens, and held their hands
while taking walks together (even after they grew up).
I've watched my sons grow from little toddlers into fine
strapping young men. I taught them how to ride a bicycle, play tee-ball,
and spent many hours telling them everything I knew and understood about
life, love, and living right.
As the years have gone by, I've attended more ball games,
been to more school functions, gone to more Sunday
school classes, stepped into the middle of many sibling arguments,
assisted them when struggling with their classes, and dealt with my share
of their problems.
Although, there were those times when they demonstrated
their unflinching determination to frustrate me to death, I now look at
four young adults who continue to make me feel proud and fulfilled as a
parent.
Would I do it all over again?
Without a doubt.
Would I do it differently?
Yes, of course, but, then again, I made some mistakes
along the way as well. I'd change only the way that I dealt with
some of the problems we faced together as a family. My temper would
not be so short nor would I have been so strict. Other than that,
I'd love to shrink my four kids back to being small children again and
enjoy those wonderful, happy moments when I was a young father and came
home everyday to four little voices proclaiming, "Hi, Dad!"
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When Do You Want
to Have Children?
Some couples are not ready for children.
Perhaps they are too young. Raising children takes
some modicum of maturity and patience. Even though people get married
in their early twenties, they might not yet have gotten their childhood
completely out of their own systems. Unfortunately, there are those
marriages that take place due to an unexpected or unwanted pregnancy.
Wisdom teaches that just because the natural parents are now married to
each other, there is no guarentee that they will be bringing their new
baby into a happy and loving environment. Getting married young is
one thing; having a child to raise when young is something else again.
Another consideration is that of the relationship itself
being too young to bring children into it. Newlyweds need time to
really get to know each other. Things that were not issues previous
to the marriage will be afterwards. Resolving enough of them to create
a happy environment before giving birth to a new life would be adviseable.
Whatever you do, agree with each other as to when you
will want to begin your family together. Only when you are
ready to make a commitment to doing a good job as a parent, should you
consider bringing another life into the world.
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How Many Children
Do You Want?
The term "family planning" is usually thought of in regard
to contraception. However, regardless of how one goes about determining
how many children to have, planning a family is a major undertaking and
should be thought through carefully.
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No Children: Perhaps a couple's lifestyle, although enjoyed
together, is not conducive to bringing up a child. There may be personal
problems which would preclude the idea of having children.
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Some Children: Those who marry later in life might enjoy parenting
together even though having two or more children might be out of the question.
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Several Children: Some couples agree together to bring two or three
shared sets of genes into the world. It fulfills them and they enjoy
a family that is a little larger.
I've had the experience of meeting an elderly couple who had
a total of twenty-seven children together--including three sets of twins.
They both gave testimony of how much they enjoyed their huge family.
The mother claims that she rarely did any housework because she spent most
of her time being an organizer. Of course, this couple was definitely
the exception.
The key is to avoid simply letting it happen. Talk
to your mate about how many children you should have together. Consider
together the responsibilities you will be accepting with each child.
Perhaps, after having the first one, you will want one more, two more,
twenty-six more, or no more. The point is that you must both be in
agreement before you both get pregnant.
One too many may mean one more single parent household
when all is said and done. If this should happen, it will not be
your child's fault.
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What Does it
Take to Raise a Family?
It takes a lot. Of course, the good news is that
parents do not have to look far for support from other parents and varioul
family organizations. Government, schools, churches, and community
groups are good resources to assist you with raising your children.
Also, the Internet has an amazing number of web sites dedicated to families,
parenting, and all of the many issues that children present (see links
to the right)--from babyhood to financing them through college. If
you want help, you will not have to look very far.
Along with the joy of sharing a child together, there
are also a number of important responsibilities that come with raising
a child.
It takes a commitment of time, emotions, resources, and
finances. Saturday afternoons that would normally be spent out together
will now be replaced with going to tee-ball games or getting ready for
a girl's slumber party. Whereas, a one bedroom apartment was enough
before, now a three bedroom house will become a necessity. When you
go out on your weekly dates
together, you will now have to obtain the services of a good babysitter.
Not to mention, helping them get through college when the time comes.
Then again, when the day comes that they walk across a
university stage to receive graduation diploma; or stand in front of a
minister as they recite their vows to their bride or groom, you will feel
a deep sense of pride and accomplishement. At that point, take your
mate into your arms and recite these words together, "It was well worth
it all."
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How Do Children
Affect the Parent's Relationship?
It all depends on how the both of you decide to approach
parenting. If handled correctly between the two of you, having children
can be a tremendously enriching experience. However, if either of
you back off from either your parental responsibilities or over emphasizes
the children, then your relationship will be in serious trouble.
Women naturally desire less physical intimacy,
especially during the latter part of pregnancies. Their mates may
interpret this wrongly. A good conversation explaining why this is
normal and that it will change once the baby is born will certainly help.
The crucial time comes after the birth takes place. Once normal sexual
intimacy is able to resume, the hard work of caring for a newborn can take
it's toll, thus leaving mothers too exhausted to be much of a lover.
The solution to this dilemma is for hubby to pitch in and provide some
needed relief by changing those dirty diapers and spooning globs of who-knows-what
out of those baby food jars.
Conceiving a baby takes two people. Taking care
of a baby will necessitate the efforts of the same two people. It's
not just a "woman's job."
As children grow, this principle remains the same.
Both dads and moms are needed on an ongoing basis to assist in dealing
with the little challenges that each day of childhood presents. A
couple that has a good, strong relationship will find themselves being
drawn even closer to each other as they cooperate together.
Of course, the most trying time during the childrering
years is when they become teenagers. Their need to be recognized
as independent individuals is overwhelming. They lack the maturity
to be adults and the willingness to be thought of as a child. Wrong
choices on their part can result in some major challenges to the family
unit during those years. The worst possible thing that could happen
is for mother and father to not agree on how to deal with the problems
that are encountered along the way. In fact, should your situation
become serious enough, your inability to work together as a couple in regard
to your teenager could spell the end of your relationship. The best
advise would be for you to seek a good professional counselor for both
your child and yourselves. Also, take time to obtain some of the
many good books that have been written on the subject. Use the helps
that are all around you.
Don't make the mistake of thinking that because there
are two of you working together, you won't need any outside help.
That misconception could prove fatal to a once very healthy and happy primary
relationship.
Communicate with each other. Discuss each situation
with each other. Support each other. As a result, your relationship
will become even stronger and your child will have a much better chance
at growing up to be all that you want him/her to be.
© all rights reserved - 10/22/2001
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Family
Resource Links
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The mission of this not-for-profit website is to promote clear insights
and toleration regarding the many variations of primary relationships that
exist in our world. We ask for neither acceptance or approval but
hope that each visitor who reviews the pages of this site will leave them
with a better understanding of the numerous cultural, historical, preferential,
religious, sexual, and sociological approaches to coupling that have always
existed and will continue to exist as long as there are at least two human
beings living on this planet. If the effort put into creating and
maintaining this site results in others coming to the realization that
the basic human need to love and be loved takes on many forms which are
accepted by those who practice them, whether right or wrong as determined
by the personal belief system of others, then it will have served it's
purpose well. |
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