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| Pursuing and starting a new relationship are
but the first steps. Regardless of whatever effort it took to finally
find someone whom you truly love, the real work of developing and maintaining
a genuine loving relationship has only just begun. |
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Sad to say, too many people fall in love too easily.
They mistake physical attraction
to be true love. Within a short period of time, each gets to know
the other only to realize that they have little in common. In fact,
they might not even like each other. Some learn their lesson after
experiencing a broken heart once or twice. Others go on to repeat
this mistake time and time again. The result is that a long line
of broken hearts are left behind them. They are love vampires and
they can suck the soul out of those who are caught in their grip of confusion,
deception, and misconception.
On the other hand, there are those who are truly
sincere when it comes to falling in love. Their commitment
is genuine and their willingness to do whatever it takes to make a primary
relationship work is very real. It is these people for whom this
pages is dedicated.
Perhaps the ideas below will provide some insights
regarding those areas where a new love can be brought to maturity and become
a life-long experience between two
people.
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Focusing on Each
Other...
Men
tend to be challenged more by this important aspect of relationship building
than do women. For some reason, we males feel that our method of
making an income and our sexual prowess somehow qualifies us to be regarded
as great lovers. Although it is true that women appreciate a man
who has a good career and they, too, enjoy
intimacy, no amount of money or erotic
experience can measure up to a loving, caring, close, and tender relationshiop
between two people who simply love being with each other.
Forget about getting home from work
to watch your favorite television program or dive into playing with your
newest gadget. Instead, run into the house and look for him/her first.
Share a few moments of affection together
and spend a some time sharing some of the highlights of your day with one
another. Men, don't expect her to make dinner. Share the making
of the meal together. If you aren't a cook, then set the table and
help her clean up afterwards. Cuddle together. Chat with each
other. Snuggle on the sofa.
For Heaven's sake, focus in on each
other. Never, never, never, put anyone or anything else in front
of the one you love best.
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Find Your Common
Interests...
Perhaps
it's going out dancing once or
twice a week. Maybe it's enjoying one day trips each weekend to some
nearby places. It could be a shared hobby or mutual interest in a
money-making project. Could it be that you are both interested in
playing the same sport. Some couples are involved in church
work and community efforts together. There are so many ways in
which two people can find a common interest and then share it together.
Conversely, it is extremely difficult,
if not impossible, for two people to relate to each other outside of some
kind of shared interest.
Some couples absolutely enjoy
attending a live theatre or musical concert. Others are into the
Harley
motorcycle life-style and love riding their hogs with their "old ladies."
Find something to do together
on a regular basis. It will prove to be one of the anchors that holds
your relationship together. |
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Fulfill Each
Other's Need for Intimacy...
Some
couples are more than happy if they enjoy physical intimacy
every now and then. Others need each other on a daily basis.
There are those who prefer private moments in the bedroom together.
Still others revel in sharing themselves with each other in all
kinds of settings and places. There are those who are very conservative
in their approach to lovemaking. Some openly share a very outgoing
approach to sexual intimacy.
Whatever the two of you decide, do it.
Find your happy medium when it comes to intimacy. In fact, do whatever
you can to adapt to your mate's sexual needs even if they challenge you
somewhat. Whatever two people agree upon in their own bedroom is
not open for discussion by anyone else. If there are consequences,
then you'll have to live with it. More times than not, two sensible
people who truly love each other will do anything they can to fulfill the
other when it comes to this fundamental need of all human beings.
The most important thing is
that each simply realizes that intimacy is something that we
share for the benefit of the one we love and
not so much for our own gratification. Follow this principle and
he/she will never want anyone but you.
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Forgive Each
Other...
The
inability to forgive your special someone will destroy your relationship.
Those who cannot bring themselves to forgive their sweetheart for some
silly indiscretion or error in judgement only demonstrate their own misconception
of the true nature of love.
How is it that there are those
who can even work through their mate's infidelity
to a successful conclusion, whereas, others simply refuse to deal with
it properly?
One man shared with me the
experience of having to admit to his wife that he had an affair with another
woman. Due to his sincere desire to make things right, she made it
very clear to him that it was not "his problem" but that it was, in fact,
"their problem." As a result, they worked it out together and he
has proven himself over and over again as a man who truly loves his wife.
No further infidelities have taken place and, due to their commitment
to each other, their relationship has become all the more fuller and richer.
Yet, there are those who come
to hate their mates over silly comments and moments of upset that are hardly
worth a second thought. Shame on them.
Forgiveness means that the
offense is both forgotten and no longer to be considered as an obstacle
in the relationship. Either you love someone else enough to be able
to do so, or the problem really lies within you.
Don't just say you forgive.
No, you must truly forgive.
Let it go and allow every
hurt to become the very things that strengthen your love for each other. |
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Frame Your Love
in Little Things...
I've
often been quoted as having stated, "Romance is all the little kisses in
between."
If there is any message in what
all of my efforts have been intended to produce, it is to remind loving
couples that it is the little things
that demonstrate our love for each other.
Men, buying her a solid gold
bracelet or a new sports car is very nice. What woman wouldn't appreciate
it a little material display of your love? However, if it is not blanaced
with your taking her daily into your arms and reminding her that she is
the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to you and that you love
her with all your heart, then you are missing the point.
Women, you can be the most
wonderful wife, housekeeper, and mother to your children. However,
if you refuse to recognize that all men are most motivated by sexual
intimacy, then you will never realize that greeting him at the end
of a difficult work day in your finest
lingerie and a seductive invitation
to join you in the bedroom for a beautiful evening of lovemeaking would
be just what he needs to regain his confidence and go back to work the
next day with a determination to succeed.
It's the little things that we do
for each other that result in a love that will continue to grow and fulfill
one another.
If your love is a new one, take
these insights and use them to bring your relationship to a point of real
maturity. Following these simple points may very well set you up
for a lifetime of enjoying a relationship that is longlasting and perhaps
even eternal. |
© all rights reserved - 12/25/2001---
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The mission of this not-for-profit website is to promote clear insights
and toleration regarding the many variations of primary relationships that
exist in our world. We ask for neither acceptance or approval but
hope that each visitor who reviews the pages of this site will leave them
with a better understanding of the numerous cultural, historical, preferential,
religious, sexual, and sociological approaches to coupling that have always
existed and will continue to exist as long as there are at least two human
beings living on this planet. If the effort put into creating and
maintaining this site results in others coming to the realization that
the basic human need to love and be loved takes on many forms which are
accepted by those who practice them, whether right or wrong as determined
by the personal belief system of others, then it will have served it's
purpose well. |
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