|Women Seem More
Adept On the Subject...
As one who has pursued the truth in regard to the many
facets of human primary relationships, my take on the understanding of
how well men comprehend such things as contrasted to women has been very
one sided up to now. Having discussed the subject of relationships
with literally hundreds of people in the last couple of years since first
posting this site, I found myself leaning toward the view that women do
a much better job of knowing the many ins and outs of how men and women
should relate. In fact, I was convinced.
However, time and experience have a way of clearing
up misconceptions to those who are active seekers of the truth.
As a result, I have changed my view on this matter and would like to explain
those factors that forced me to reconsider my previous position.
First of all, women seem to have a better handle on the
subject of relationships because they talk about them so much. In
fact, from early age, females manifest a natural tendency toward relationships.
little boys are playing with toy cars and practicing their baseball skills,
little girls play house and practice scenarios to get their Ken dolls to
fall in love with their Barbie dolls. Even during their teenage
years, girls are much more intense when it comes to dating than are the
boys. A young fellow might have a favorite shirt that he feels is
rather sexy but girls are into cosmetics, hair styles, clothing styles,
and everything and anything they can do to present themselves as being
both attractive and desireable. Of course, there is not a male alive
who would do or say anything to discourage this. In fact, we applaude
it. I am simply making the point that females major on relationships
from an early age and carry it into their adulthood as one of the great
priorities of their lives. Men do not.
We fellows are admittedly less evolved in this particular
area during our childhoods and teenage years. Our hormones begin
to rage during our teens and we definitely do not have the control that
teen girls manifest at the same time. Neither do we have the understanding
that they have of what is happening to us as puberty remolds our bodies
and creates drives that were not there before.
|Men Seem To Struggle
From an early age, men are emotional islands.
While females are taught to network with others of their sex, we walk alone.
What little interaction we have with our buddies on the subject is usually
limited to lockerroom bravado that is more bluster than truth. Other
than that, even the smoothest of us when it comes to interacting with females
have more interest in sex than having any understanding when it comes to
knowing what a real relationship is all about.
Secondly, females have a long history of knowing how to
maneuver through the mine fields of male-female relationships. Their
knowledge comes from countless generations on their maternal sides.
Even those women who come from family situations where their mothers, for
one reason or another, had little influence on them still figure it all
out at an early age because women do network with each other. As
a result, women are more aware of what they want and expect in a relationship.
Conversely, men learn what they know about women from
their fathers and their male friends. With the exception of a few
good fathers who do a good job of explaining the "birds and the bees" in
terms other than purely sex (including the usual four letter words used
to describe the act), little is shared, if anything, concerning the twelve
letter word, "relationship." Consequently, little boys grow up to
be young men who do love but are better at siring children than relating
to their mates.
a Level Playing Field...
With all that being said, then how is it that I have
come to the conclusion that women can be just as clueless as women when
it comes to relationships? In fact, up to now, it seems like
I have presented a very good argument that falls on the side of women being
far superior on the subject.
However, to lay it out clearly, I am now convinced
that men may have a longer learning curve but, once we catch up, we become
very good at it.
At 50-plus years of age, I now see a major shift
taking place between the sexes relative to this subject. Generally
speaking, men who are into their forties begin to tire regarding the emphasis
on their careers and material toys. Life is getting shorter.
The days are going by faster. Their testosterone levels are decreasing.
they happen to have a strong primary relationship that is emotionally and
physically satisfying, they tend to become more romantic. However,
if they do not sense a closeness with their beloved, the temptation to
stray becomes very real and sometimes overwhelming. At any rate,
males become very relationship centered in their middle-aged years and
desire a closeness with their mates that drives them to grab ahold of all
that it will take to be successful in accomplishing the same. Much
of the energy that was previously directed toward their careers is now
focused in on their love lifes. Woe unto the woman who neither understands
or ignores this.
Of course, I am speaking in general terms here.
There will always be men who, no matter how long they live, will remain
clueless regarding primary relationships. I am referring to the majority
of men who truly do come into their own regarding their ongoing maturation
toward becoming very intense relational beings.
It is difficult to justify how it is that women are proficient
regarding this subject at such an early age while men lag behind.
However, when considering the success of the species and the fact that
women do tend to emphasize child raising during their young adult years,
the seeming imbalance in timing makes sense.
Ladies, be patient with the guys.
We may be a little slow on the draw but, when we finally
catch up, we can be wonderfully lethal.
© all rights reserved - 3/22/2002--
The mission of this not-for-profit website is to promote clear insights
and toleration regarding the many variations of primary relationships that
exist in our world. We ask for neither acceptance or approval but
hope that each visitor who reviews the pages of this site will leave them
with a better understanding of the numerous cultural, historical, preferential,
religious, sexual, and sociological approaches to coupling that have always
existed and will continue to exist as long as there are at least two human
beings living on this planet. If the effort put into creating and
maintaining this site results in others coming to the realization that
the basic human need to love and be loved takes on many forms which are
accepted by those who practice them, whether right or wrong as determined
by the personal belief system of others, then it will have served it's