-
Sometimes the relationships between men and women can
change drastically. It can happen overnight but, more often than
not, does so over an extended period of time. When the moment of
realization comes regarding those changes, the resulting conclusion will
either be a sense of deep satisfaction that the relationship has strengthened
over time or that it has deteriorated.
Tennessee William's play, "Summer and Smoke," tells the
story of a youngish single woman who is tortured by her unrequited love
for the town's handsome young doctor. In a small Mississippi town,
this spinster continues to pine for her childhood love--an
attractive man who does not return her affections.
The play was eventually produced into a movie
starring Geraldine Page and Laurence Harvey.
The story is a masterful weaving together of all those
things that attract people to each other, the determination of love to
fulfill itself, and the factors that create conflict between two people.
It concludes with a kind of O'Henry 'twist of fate' whereby the worldy
doctor sees the error of his irresponsible personal lifestyle and becomes
a quiet, conservative gentleman in his later years while she (in attempting
to get and keep his attentions) changes from a very pert and proper lady
to a risque' woman of the world.
Thus, the reference to "Summer and Smoke" to make the point that people
do change like the seasons and that those changes can make all the difference
in any relationship.
Those who have experienced one or both partners in a relationship
making personal changes in their lives will tell you that it can be a challenge.
Should the changes be those that amplify and only add to the relationship,
then fine. However, if the changes introduce a dynamic to the relationship
that causes it to be challenged, then their willingness to adapt may be
sorely tested.
Few, if any, relationships remain static. Change
is constant, consistant, and continual. A deep and abiding love for
each other is usually enough to deal with it. However, just as there
is an element of risk when two people commit to each other, the risk is
ongoing because change is a constant. Nothing stays the same.
That being understood, there are some insights that can
make dealing with such natural changes beneficial to the relationship and
nost so destructive, as in the case of those who fail to respond to those
changes. |
-
-
Lifestyle
Changes
Are you still as conservative or liberal as you once were.
If not, has this change distanced you from the views of your mate?
Perhaps the two of you are even closer now in your political, economic,
and religious views. Whether or
not you allow your opinions to negaively impact your relationship is up
to you. Some people simply could not stand being married to a person
of the opposing political party or religious affiliation. Some could
care less while others find equality in compromising for the sake of their
love for each other.
-
Job/Career
Changes
What happens when a woman gets a promotion at work and
starts making more money than her husband? Which one quits his/her
job if the other should be relocated or transferred? What if he/she
is sick and tired of the stress inherent in a current career and makes
a decision to take a more relaxed job that pays less?
-
Mid
Life Crisis Changes
He starts going to the gym, buys some spiffy new
clothes, and a little red sports car. She goes to aerobic classes,
buys some sexy new clothes, and
buys a little white sports car. Do you park your cars side by side
at the local dance club or drive
there to meet someone else.
-
Physical
Changes
All of a sudden, he seems to find it more difficult to,
well, you know. Conversely, she just doesn't look as good as she
did twenty or thirty years ago. Furthermore, the young althletic
good looking young man now has a pot belly, a receding hair line, and bald
spot on the back of his head. As for the young slender babe with
the wonderful curves, well, she's still got curves but they slant in different
directions now and, if it were not for hair coloring, push up bras, and
makeup, she wouldn't look near as good.
-
Financial
Changes
A turn of events results in your losing or having to spend
your savings and liquidate your assets to survive. You go from a
beautiful suburban home to an apartment or visa-versa. Perhaps, you've
finally come into some real money. Would such a change actually impact
your relationship? If so, do you really have a relationship?
-
Status
Changes
Going from being totally unknown to be up front and center,
whether it be in the entertainment industry or becoming a local celebrity,
can effect a relationship. It really hinges on whether or not you
are really fool enough to believe all those wonderful things that everyone
is saying about you. Then again, losing your status can have the
same result. Will it really make that much of a difference between
the two of you?
-
Priority
Changes
What was important to both of you at one time may not
be as crucial to one or the other as the years pass by. Past commitments
to causes, the need to keep up with the Joneses, changing the world, etc.,
might have been driving factors at one time but are now no longer even
considerations. What happens when one of you reprioritizes and the
other does not? Will it be the end of the relationship or a wonderful
opportunity to redefine it? |
-
-
There is nothing more permanant than change.
How couples deal with it will determine whether their
relationship goes on to mature, flourish, and deepen or fall apart.
A truly loving couple will work together and adapt to
these changes. However, some changes can seriously threaten the love
between two people--even those who have been together for a very long time.
Change comes and goes with the seasons.
Just like summer and smoke. |
© all rights reserved - 2/27/2003----
|
-
--
-
|
-
|
