demonstrate their love by such things as keeping the house clean, making
dinner, running errands for their mates, or bringing home the paycheck.
This is the soulmate who would never allow themselves to go outside of
their relationship for sexual gratification.
They are faithful, loyal, and true to their loves. That being said,
they can tend to be somewhat undemonstrative in the way they show affection.
Furthermore, being romantic can be a problem for them. After all
(as goes their thinking), "I take care of her and she can go buy anything
she wants to; anytime she wants to. Why should I do all of that silly
stuff when she darn well knows I love her?" The idea here is for
constants to realize that their mates need demonstrative affection and
regular romance just like everyone else. Locate resources to help
you such as books filled with romantic ideas (e.g. Michael Webb's "The
roMANtic") and you can also take advantage of the many good web sites on
the subject, such as this one, which provide you with enough ideas and
tools to out-romance even the best romantic.
are the antipathy of romantics. Their approach to a primary relationship
is one of protecting their independency; even at the expense of the relationship
if necessary. The need to keep a halo of space around them which
cannot be too deeply penetrated. This is difficult to understand
by the other soulmate types. Only another independent would find
such an approach to love as being natural and comfortable when in a relationship
with a same-type soulmate.
Yet, independents can be very enjoyable and exctiting
people with whom to be involved. They are continually seeking ways
to accomplish goals and projects. Their careers are their first loves.
Should their chosen vocation or ongoing projects be the kind that their
mates are truly interested in, all of the factors that involve them (e.g.
going to the best restaurants to have dinners with a client or enjoying
an evening out with another couple in the same business) can be a source
of entertainment and, better
yet, provide a bond between the independent and his/her soulmate.
However, independents need to be careful that they are at least receptive
to the demonstrations of love from their partners, if not as good at initiating
them in the first place. Work hard at your labors of love but take
the time needed (and a little more thrown in for good measure) to spend
quality time with your love.
|Pulling All of
Space prohibits us from expanding upon all of the many
facets and factors that occur when the four soulmate types mix and match
with each other. In short, romantics and independents have to work
harder than the rest to have a successful relationship. Sharers and
constants can get along very well as long as they don't get in a contest
to outdo each other. Two Romantics can make a powerful match as long
as they don't burn each other out. Constants and Independents can
get along fine as long as they both work harder at such things as showing
affection and making sure they schedule time for each other. Independents
can be most supportive of each other's interests as long as they don't
completely ignore or alienate each other.
The main consideration here is that many people have good
relationships and do not consider themselves to be soulmates. However,
the point is that those who do strongly sense that their's is a very special
relationship and would qualify as being true "soulmates" are motivated
to work at developing and maintaining the best possible relationship between
them and their loves.
Perhaps the bottom line is not which soulmate type you
are as much as how willing you are to identify your approach to a primary
relationship and your determination to work at it on an ongoing basis.
Whatever your soulmate type, rest assured that there is
someone for everyone. None of us are perfect matches but we can enjoy
a very good match if we determine within ourselves to either find the right
person or truly learn everything we can about the one we are already with.
A good soulmate is someone we know that we are meant to love and be loved
in return. Finding such a person does not happen too many times in
life. Only those who seek will find.
Love happens...Relationships take time and work.
|A Note from Vincent...
Since posting this article almost three years ago,
the responses from visitors who have read it have been very interesting.
I suppose that, like me, most of us tend to lump
everyone together when it comes to the need to love and be loved.
However, the important insight here has more to do with how we love.
No two lovers are exactly alike. Yet, we can be at least identified
with one of the four types above.
Those who have commented on the article indicate that
the realization that there are different approaches is akin to someone
turning on a light switch in their hearts and minds. All of a suddent
they understand why past relationships either did not work out or were
not meant to be. They are able to reflect on past loves and finally
understand why things did not work out and also what characteristics of
the other person were not understood at the time.
The takeaway here is that any of the soulmate types can
relate well when they truly understand, accept, and love each other.
However, when one lacks these insights, the probability that those who
approach love very differently from each other (e.g. the romantic and the
independent) will not make it together is greatly increased.
Other responses are similiarly insightful but much
sadder in that long-term marriages were disolved before coming to understand
these same truths. One wonders if these relationships would have
endured had the two parties been able to discern their soulmate types.
Then again, others report that it was gaining these
insights that caused their breakups. You see, some romantics simply
prefer relating only to other romantics.
It's just the way that we are.
The mission of this not-for-profit website is to promote clear insights
and toleration regarding the many variations of primary relationships that
exist in our world. We ask for neither acceptance or approval but
hope that each visitor who reviews the pages of this site will leave them
with a better understanding of the numerous cultural, historical, preferential,
religious, sexual, and sociological approaches to coupling that have always
existed and will continue to exist as long as there are at least two human
beings living on this planet. If the effort put into creating and
maintaining this site results in others coming to the realization that
the basic human need to love and be loved takes on many forms which are
accepted by those who practice them, whether right or wrong as determined
by the personal belief system of others, then it will have served it's