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Being Too Religious....
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Most couples have no idea how a too-religious
mate can pose a major challenge to an otherwise wonderful relationship.
The ideal scenario would be that,
should they both be religiously conservative, they are in agreement with
each other regarding their spiritual views and how they apply them to their
shared lives together.
Yet, there are those who
find themselves with someone who, because of certain religious convictions,
limit the desires of the other person for a more vibrant and "worldy" kind
of lifestyle. Of course, those who see themselves as being more
spiritual immediately assume that the other person's dissatisfaction stems
from some kind of spiritual failure. Some even go so far as to accuse
their mates of having evil desires that are immoral and sinful. If
that is indeed the case, then the religious partner is justified.
However, it might very well be that the repressive religious views held
by one partner are being forced upon a not-so-willing mate. Such
people see things only in black and white--never
realizing how many beautiful pastels and bright colors fill the world.
Furthermore, the more extreme they
are in their religious views, the more judgemental and critical they become.
Some fundamentalists (regardless of whether they are Christian, Muslim,
or otherwise) view someone who is a social drinker or enjoys going out
dancing with their mates as being in opposition to the very will of God,
despite the otherwise clear teachings of the Scriptures (e.g. Jesus turning
water into wine and David dancing).
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Being Too Religious
Can Be Repressive...
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There are degrees of religious conservatism.
Those who believe that public dancing is evil or that women who wear any
kind of makeup represent some of the more conservative religious persuasions.
Many of them would never be caught dead in a nightclub with other people
who consume alcohol (including those who only drink socially) and dance
to the "devil's music." Going to movie theaters, live dinner theaters,
or an off-Broadway show is perceived by them to be compromising Biblical
truths concerning separation from the things of the world. These
things are simply not acceptable from their point of view.
We live in a wonderful country where religious
freedom is one of the pillars of our democracy. Those who hold such
views have every right to do so and all of us should be willing to defend
their right to those beliefs. In fact, such people should be commended.
Their motivations are good. They are trying to live right and do
right. However, it's the militant ones who want to force everyone
else to live as they do that present the greater challenge. Not all
fundamentalists hijack planes and fly them into tall buildings for the
purpose of killing those who do not hold their views. Most are God-fearing
good people. Still, others of their persuasion have forgotten
that spiritual conversion is an individual choice and cannot be mandated
or legislated. Making life miserable
for their mates is just another form of spiritual terrorism.
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Being Too Religious
Can Cause Incompatibility...
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The point is that, as far as primary
relationships are concerned, some people are not compatible when it comes
to their personal religious views. Furthermore, those who may have
started out together being spiritually compatible may have to face a time
when one of them experiences a change of mind and heart. When that
happens, the results can be disasterous if the other mate is not willing
to understand. Refusing to ease up on one's own religious convictions
can spell the beginning of the end of their love for each other.
Those who are single have the freedom
to break up with people who turn out to be imcompatible. However,
those who are not compatible with extremely conservative individuals will
feel a deep sense of dissatisfaction as well as that of being trapped.
The situation can become impossible if either party is willing to budge.
Should an impass occur, such a relationship can end with two good people
finding themselves fighting for financial survival in a divorce
court--something that should never have happened.
The question of why a woman
would not enjoy an evening out on the town with her huband without nixing
his plans for religious reasons, or expressing guilt should they go out
after all, is one that is not easily answered. The man who is too
rigid because of his "convictions" to take his wife out dancing or to a
live theater performance is baffling when considering how it leaves her
with no other recourse than to either be content with a limited lifestyle
or to find another means to find some enjoyment in her life.
It might prove to be helpful if
both determine, for the sake of the relationship, to find a more moderate
kind of church that they can attend together. Sometimes two people
manage to get some good professional counseling to resolve this kind of
problem. Also, there are those who simply work such things out with
each other and are willing to make some reasonable compromises for the
sake of their marriage and all those involved (e.g. children, family, friends,
etc.). |
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Being Too Relgious
Can Kill a Relationship...
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On the other hand, there are
still others who simply will not compromise their spiritual convictions
for any reason or for anyone, including their mates. No one would
argue with them if, in fact, their mate was making extreme demands to join
them in their alcoholism or engage in truly perverse sexual practices.
However, the more common scenario is that of a mate who would simply like
to go out once and awhile, enjoy some fun with his/her sweetheart, perhaps
do a little dancing, attend a concert, share a romantic bottle of wine,
and spend an intimate night together.
To some, this is more than their religious views allow. For others,
there is a deep sense that they are not asking for much at all--at least
nothing that would be outside of a normal loving,
caring relationship. That's the point. Each feels that the
other doesn't care at all.
The variations of individual human
mindsets regarding how they perceive life is as complex as the inner workings
of a computer. Furthermore, like computers, we are all programmed
differently and the contrasts can be stark. There is always the possibility
that two people who started out together, being of the same mind, might
eventually see some things very differently as the years go by. If
those things are fundamental as to how they view themselves as spiritual
individuals, the gulf between them can be too wide for either of them to
ever find the other again.
It's one of the sad situations that
can overtake some very good people and Heaven help the mate who steps outside
the boundries set by a too-religious mate.
There will be Hell to pay.
You see, "...a house divided against
itself cannot stand."
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Note:
I
just watched a CNN report reporting on Brian Caldwell. He is a major
in the U.S. Army who was in the Pentagon on 9/11/2001 when it was hit by
the terrorist attack. In fact, he was within 40 yards of the blast
and was burned over 50% of his body. He and his wife gave credit
to their Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ, for having brought him through
an amazing survival and healing process. To them, their mutual faith
is the very thing that bonds them together and enabled them to overcome
this horrible tragedy. The Caldwells represent those couples whose
conservative faith is the very thing that binds them together.
Please understand that I am fully
aware that such couples are indeed blessed to share such a deep and committed
mutual faith. The point I have tried to make in this article is that
love should be able to overcome differences but, when stretched to the
limit by a too-religious mate, it can be seriously damaged and even destroyed. |
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Check
out the account of how the wealthiest couple in
the
world split up over her newfound relgious views
Click Here
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© all rights reserved - 9/14/2001--
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The mission of this not-for-profit website is to promote clear insights
and toleration regarding the many variations of primary relationships that
exist in our world. We ask for neither acceptance or approval but
hope that each visitor who reviews the pages of this site will leave them
with a better understanding of the numerous cultural, historical, preferential,
religious, sexual, and sociological approaches to coupling that have always
existed and will continue to exist as long as there are at least two human
beings living on this planet. If the effort put into creating and
maintaining this site results in others coming to the realization that
the basic human need to love and be loved takes on many forms which are
accepted by those who practice them, whether right or wrong as determined
by the personal belief system of others, then it will have served it's
purpose well. |
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