Crazy Time

Crazy Time...
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   The term was coined by Abigail Trafford in her book by the same name.
    She is referring to those times just previous to a marital breakup, through the "in between time," and, hopefully, concluding with either a balanced sense of single satisfaction or being in a loving committed relationship.
    If you are contemplating a divorce, you might read her book first. After reading it, if you still think that you can deal with all of the stress, pain, upset, and the nightmarish consequences of ending a marriage, then go for it.
    It is indeed a crazy time.
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Crazy Choices.....
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     Most people look back at those last few years previous to the breakup of their marriage and regret many of the choices that they made at the time. If they just would have gotten some good professional counseling together. If they just would not have spent so much money. If they just wouldn't have gotten involved in that affair. If they just would have kept their cool and not been so angry all of the time--and so on and so on.
   Many of the silly things we do while deciding whether or not to separate from our mates come back to haunt us later on. A good counselor might have helped us save the relationship. Getting into debt will make it that much more financially difficult should a divorce take place. An affair may not effect you financially when divorcing but it will sure make it hard to explain to everyone you know why your ex is just as much at fault as you are for the marriage going down the tubes. Even if he/she does deserve a good deal of the blame, you will be the dirty dog no matter what. Anger? You'll kick yourself in the head for losing control all of those times when a cooler head would have accomplished so much more.
   Of course, there are other crazy things that we do when we begin sensing that the end of our marriage is fast becoming a reality. The caution here is to refrain from doing anything that will come back on you. It's better to pay pennies on the dollar now than to pay lots of dollars later on.

Crazy "In Between" Time...
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Most people do experience some craziness when separating from their mates. Others redefine the word "crazy." Their newfound sense of liberation and independency causes a strange combination of lonely anxiety and jubilant freedom. The two extremes are overwhelming in both directions. As a result, people do some things that are way outside their previous experience and not always based on acting
   Sex becomes a quest. Affirmation by others becomes a necessity. Self-centeredness comes naturally. Falling in and out of love becomes a pattern. If not for this nutty time of frolicing in a kind of adult fun park, psychologists would go broke. In fact, it is chic for recently divorced persons to share what their counselor told them during their last consultation. Those who do not seek professional counseling are more apt to stay crazier a little longer. Most eventually pull out of it. Some never do.
   There comes a time when those who have feasted on one sexual conquest after the other get tired of loveless intimacy. In time, those who are sensible begin to understand that they are not defined by what others think about them. Self becomes boring. Truly, falling in love becomes something well worth waiting for. Healing from the divorce begins to take place, unresolved issues are dealt with, and your counselor would rather see other patients because you are no longer insane enough for him to spend any more time with you.
   Crazy time is over.

Crazy In Love Again...
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It's not a cure all and should never be considered as such. In fact, too many individuals plunge immediately into either a cohabitation relationship or even get married soon after the break up of their prevous marriage. They are not willing to endure their own crazy "in between" time so they rebound into another primary relationship without really sorting out who they are, what they need, and with whom they would be most compatible. What could be worse than ending a second marriage not too long after refusing to deal with the aftermath of the first one? The word "catastrophe" comes to mind.
   Conversely, there are those who simply decide to jump in with both feet, endure the lonliness of separation, and deal with the losses that come with divorce. In the meantime, they work their way through their own craziness and simply grow out of it--not to mention whatever help and encouragement they get from family, friends, and the professional community.
   The struggle to upright oneself after the worst tragedy that a human being can endure--the dissolution of what was once the relational core of their existence--will be a major challenge to anyone who must face it. Those who do so, having passed through their own personal crazy time, can come out of it stronger, more determined, and with a much better sense of who they are.
   It is only then when one is able to fully comprehend the true meaning of falling in love, of finally being ready to share oneself with another and be able to give as well as receive.
   In a great sense it is like purging the poison out of your system. It's finally coming to terms with those parts of your past child who never passed through all of the natural stages of human emotional growth. Once you have come through the other side, you will look back and realize that you said and did some things that you'll never repeat again. You'll reflect back on some of the silliness of it all and wonder how in the world you ever could have allowed yourself such over extensions of personal freedom. You'll need to forgive yourself even if others never do. Yet, these will be the very experiences that will shape a much better future; not because you will continue to repeat the errors of that crazy in between time but because you have learned from them.
   Now, you are ready to be crazy in love again.

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The mission of this not-for-profit website is to promote clear insights and toleration regarding the many variations of primary relationships that exist in our world. We ask for neither acceptance or approval but hope that each visitor who reviews the pages of this site will leave them with a better understanding of the numerous cultural, historical, preferential, religious, sexual, and sociological approaches to coupling that have always existed and will continue to exist as long as there are at least two human beings living on this planet. If the effort put into creating and maintaining this site results in others coming to the realization that the basic human need to love and be loved takes on many forms which are accepted by those who practice them, whether right or wrong as determined by the personal belief system of others, then it will have served it's purpose well.