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Single and Being
Lonely...
I'm a middle-aged single.
At 50-plus-years-of-age, I have embarked on a new life of self-discovery
and meeting new friends.
Actually, it had more to do with survival than anything
else.
You see, divorce has a way of not only leaving you without
a mate but without family and friends as well. The children don't
always understand all the ramifications of what caused their parents to
breakup. Family members were either closer to your ex or they now
consider you a fifth wheel when they get together. Your old friends
were married people who, for the most part, no longer feel as close to
you now that your "couple status" has changed. For all practical
purposes, you are alone.
In my case, the aloneness was complicated further by the
fact that I had begun a new career in a strange city following the breakup
of my marriage. I had absolutely no friends. I was more than
alone. I was lonely.
For the first dozen months, I simply went to work,
drove home, flittered the evenings away, and then did the whole thing all
over again the next day. It was lonely and boring.
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"Single" and
the Internet...
One afternoon while surfing the net, I was playing around
with a search engine and impulsively keyed in the word "singles" along
with the name of my state. To my surprise, several singles clubs
appeared and I found one that seemed to cater to middle-aged singles.
I was delighted to find that they had a very active program and a large
number of members in the area. Furthermore, the $20.00 annual fee
seemed inexpensive enough. It provided access to a club schedule
that had every day of any given month filled with various activities. I
couldn't believe that there was so much going on for singles like me or
that there could be that many who were active in such an organized group.
I attended the next event that was promoted on their website calendar.
From that point on, I began meeting other singles and in the space of several
months have more friends now than I could possibly ever have imagined.
Now, I have someplace to go any night of the week where
I can find my friends having a good time and enjoying each other's company.
Let me describe a typical evening out with my new friends
Whether it's an organized singles club or a local establishment
that caters to single people, the main ingredients usually include a warm
and friendly atmosphere, a local establishment to serve as a meeting place,
some music (either live music or a disk jockey), the option to enjoy some
dancing, perhaps some food and drink, and a place where all the regulars
know each other by name. We also enjoy outings from summer picnics
to going to dinner theaters together. Whether it is an organized
event or simply an informal gathering, hardly a day goes by but what there
is something to do. This is especially true if there are more than
one organized singles group in the area.
Having found a few clubs that meet regularly on
Tuesdays and Thursdays, I've gotten to know through the members where the
various other events are located. As a result, the Friday/Saturday
night dance has become a regular part of my weekly schedule. Not
only are they a lot of fun but, as a divorced guy who pays child and spousal
support, they are inexpensive. I can enjoy a free happy hour buffet,
a few drinks, and an entire evening of dancing for under $5.00. It
works for me. |
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Single and Dancing
on the Weekends...
There was a time when I threw on a pair of jeans and a
nice shirt to go dancing on a weekend night. Of course, I was only
sixteen years old at the time. Now, it is important to dress up a
little when preparing to attend a regular weekly dance. Since most
of us are divorced, having enough money to afford much is out of the question.
As a result, I have a few decent outfits (pants, nice shirt, matching shoes)
and have figured out where I can go without paying a cover charge or more
than a $1.25 or so for a drink.
Recently, a bunch of us got together at a local
establishment which featured a very good DJ as well as an inexpensive drink
menu and a very nice decore. All was going very well until the end
of the evening when the waitress presented the bill. Well, all five
of us use bifocals but no one brought their glasses with them. I
think it is a point of middle-aged pride. As a result, none of us
could read the bill and had no idea what we should pay the waitress.
One of the more outgoing guys in our group walked over to a young couple
in a booth nearby and asked if they would read the bill for
us. We thought that the amount was $8.00. It was actually
$18.00. So we each chipped in something close to what we felt was
fair and added a decent tip as well. Not only did it prove to be
an inexpensive night out but we also had a good laugh concerning the fact
that all of us are older and need glasses--even though we refuse to admit
it to each other. On that particular night, not a one of us wanted
to even hint that we needed bifocals to read a bill. Too funny! |
Singles &
Dancing....
My first evening at a singles dance was a learning experience
to say the least. As a guy who barely knew his left foot from his
right, I found myself doing an excellent job of "holding up the walls"
while other fellows who could dance enjoyed the company of the many women
who attended these events.
It is still interesting to me that it was a guy who caught
my attention more than any of the women. Henry is in his late fifties
and wears suspenders. He is tall and has a winning smile. However,
I was enthralled how it was that this guy was able to get almost every
woman in the place to dance with him. He seemed to know every step
and could twirl a lady around like he was a modern day Fred Astaire.
He never sat down. One woman after the other jumped up to dance with
him whenever he simply gestured an invitation in their direction.
It was obvious that any man who really know how to dance could thrive in
this middle-aged singles dance environment.
As a result, I forced myself to get out on the floor and
learn the steps to all of the slow, fast, line, and stylized dances.
It took several months but I was finally able to become what is called
a "strong lead." Since then, I enjoy the company of three or four
of my favorite dance partners when out dancing along with evenings full
of fun and friendship.
By the way, Henry is a good friend now. We often
call each other to see where the week's best dances are going to be held.
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Single and Being
Alone....
When
the last slow dance has concluded and the lights come up, we all spend
a few more moments enjoying a little conversation and then we head home--alone.
You might wonder what the
difference is between being lonely and being alone. All I can tell
you is that lonliness is a terrible thing to experience. It is painful
and sad. I was so lonely until finding others like myself.
I never want to go back to the terrible emptiness of feeling alienated
from other human beings because I no longer fit in the world that I had
created for myself while living as a married man.
Now, I simply go home alone at the
end of a night out with my friends. It is not near as bad.
In fact, it is not difficult at all. Now, more than ever, I have a confidence
that there will come a moment when I will meet someone very special at
one of those singles events. We will enjoy each other's company,
begin dating, fall in love, and share the rest of our lives together.
And I won't ever be lonely or alone
again.
© all rights reserved - 10/22/2001---
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The mission of this not-for-profit website is to promote clear insights
and toleration regarding the many variations of primary relationships that
exist in our world. We ask for neither acceptance or approval but
hope that each visitor who reviews the pages of this site will leave them
with a better understanding of the numerous cultural, historical, preferential,
religious, sexual, and sociological approaches to coupling that have always
existed and will continue to exist as long as there are at least two human
beings living on this planet. If the effort put into creating and
maintaining this site results in others coming to the realization that
the basic human need to love and be loved takes on many forms which are
accepted by those who practice them, whether right or wrong as determined
by the personal belief system of others, then it will have served it's
purpose well. |
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