| If you are single, searching, and in your fifties or older,
you are probably being totally unrealistic in your expectations of what
you are going to have when you find the next love of your life.
Fact: Only 30% of second marriages succeed while 70% end
up in divorce.
Fact: Only 13% of sixty-plus year old single people marry
Fact: The person you want is married to somone else.
Sad to say, most of us middle-aged or older resingled
people are just as afraid of admitting that we are going to have to settle
for something less as we are of our own mortality. Instead of facing
the reality of why it is that all of those other resingled people got that
way, we would rather keep our head in the clouds while believing that our
Prince Charming or Sleeping Beauty is out there somewhere waiting for us
to find him or her.
Now, let's talk reality!
of all, what makes us think for a moment that any available person out
there is going to fit your ever growing list of qualifications?
Yes, our experience has taught us to look for certain
characteristics in another that might be red flags or deal breakers.
After all, we've been there and done that. We're certainly not going
to get trapped into a relationship with someone who doesn't display the
mental list of characteristics that simply must be in place if anyone is
even going to be considered. No more divorce for us!
The truth is that, had we the experience that we have
now when we were much younger, we would have had a real shot at finding
that person. However, once we get well into the second half of our
lives, all of those wonderful people that would have made great potential
mates are still married or dead. Of course there are a few out there
but, then again, one just might end up alone the rest of his or her life
if committed to looking for a needle in a haystack.
Reality check: With very few exceptions,
everyone and anyone who is older and single has some issues. They
are some of the reasons that caused us to divorce in the first place.
30% work on themselves so as to resolve those issues. 70% do not.
Furthermore, what makes you think that you are really insightful enough
to recognize who is who? You may be kidding yourself if you think
that you do.
what about all of that old baggage?
The same statistic that tells us that only 30% of second
marriages succeed also tells us that the reason the other 70% fail is because
one or both parties are still holding on to the bitterness from their previous
"He cheated on me so I will never be able to really
trust another man."
"She turned into a major bitch when she got older
just like most other women."
Oh, get off of it!
Are you really going to superimpose your dissatisfaction
from your previous relationship on to some good innocent person who has
since fallen in love with you? Well, that is exactly what you are
doing if you have not cast aside your old baggage and gotten rid of all
of that bitterness.
The moment you pop off with, "Well, that's excactly
what my ex used to do to me," you're on your way to being in the 70 percenters.
Reality Check: Get rid of the old baggage even
if it means going to a good counselor to help you sort out those old bad
feelings so that the next love of your life will be free to be him or herself
without you making a lot of unfair connections with your past.
and Finally, why do you insist on disdaining someone who does not measure
up to your standards even though he or she might be a wonderful person
who would love you dearly?
Have you ever actually talked with a resingled person
who has unrealistic expectations? They are totally annoying.
They are also still single and will probably remain that way unless they
happen to talk someone into helping them become part of the 70 percenters.
Okay, so you are a college professor with a masters degree
in education. Are you really going to walk past some beautiful person
who would totally love you just because they have no more than a high school
Yes, you want a tall slender curvy blonde with a pretty
face. Dude, you are sixty years old! Get over it! That
short lady with the cute face would make you the happiest man in the world
if you'd give her half a chance.
Alright, you want someone who is equal to you regarding
your financial status. If that's the case, you best join SugarDaddy.com
and keep your fingers crossed for a very long time. You see, that
guy who goes to work every day and makes a moderate income might very well
be a man who will fulfill your days and nights like no one else possibly
could; especially some guy who spends most of his time balancing his Swiss
Reality Check: Perhaps at this point in life, spending
the rest of it with someone who truly loves us is much better than spending
it alone while we wait for Prince Charming or Sleeping Beauty.
We're older now and our choices are much more limited.
If ever there was a time to be realistic, it is now; especially when it
comes to finding true love.
If you really do want to live happily ever after,
then find someone whose worst characteristics are at least tolerable and
get on with it.
Remember, 87% of people over sixty remain alone
the rest of their lives.
Do you really want to be an 87 percenter?
© all rights reserved - 1/1/2002
The mission of this not-for-profit website is to promote clear insights
and toleration regarding the many variations of primary relationships that
exist in our world. We ask for neither acceptance or approval but
hope that each visitor who reviews the pages of this site will leave them
with a better understanding of the numerous cultural, historical, preferential,
religious, sexual, and sociological approaches to coupling that have always
existed and will continue to exist as long as there are at least two human
beings living on this planet. If the effort put into creating and
maintaining this site results in others coming to the realization that
the basic human need to love and be loved takes on many forms which are
accepted by those who practice them, whether right or wrong as determined
by the personal belief system of others, then it will have served it's