Unrealistic Expectations of ReSingled People

   If you are single, searching, and in your fifties or older, you are probably being totally unrealistic in your expectations of what you are going to have when you find the next love of your life.
   Fact: Only 30% of second marriages succeed while 70% end up in divorce.
   Fact: Only 13% of sixty-plus year old single people marry again.
   Fact: The person you want is married to somone else.
   Sad to say, most of us middle-aged or older resingled people are just as afraid of admitting that we are going to have to settle for something less as we are of our own mortality. Instead of facing the reality of why it is that all of those other resingled people got that way, we would rather keep our head in the clouds while believing that our Prince Charming or Sleeping Beauty is out there somewhere waiting for us to find him or her.
    Now, let's talk reality!

   First of all, what makes us think for a moment that any available person out there is going to fit your ever growing list of qualifications?
   Yes, our experience has taught us to look for certain characteristics in another that might be red flags or deal breakers. After all, we've been there and done that. We're certainly not going to get trapped into a relationship with someone who doesn't display the mental list of characteristics that simply must be in place if anyone is even going to be considered. No more divorce for us!
   The truth is that, had we the experience that we have now when we were much younger, we would have had a real shot at finding that person. However, once we get well into the second half of our lives, all of those wonderful people that would have made great potential mates are still married or dead. Of course there are a few out there but, then again, one just might end up alone the rest of his or her life if committed to looking for a needle in a haystack.
    Reality check: With very few exceptions, everyone and anyone who is older and single has some issues. They are some of the reasons that caused us to divorce in the first place. 30% work on themselves so as to resolve those issues. 70% do not. Furthermore, what makes you think that you are really insightful enough to recognize who is who? You may be kidding yourself if you think that you do.

   Secondly, what about all of that old baggage?
   The same statistic that tells us that only 30% of second marriages succeed also tells us that the reason the other 70% fail is because one or both parties are still holding on to the bitterness from their previous broken relationship.
    "He cheated on me so I will never be able to really trust another man."
    "She turned into a major bitch when she got older just like most other women."
    Oh, get off of it!
    Are you really going to superimpose your dissatisfaction from your previous relationship on to some good innocent person who has since fallen in love with you? Well, that is exactly what you are doing if you have not cast aside your old baggage and gotten rid of all of that bitterness.
    The moment you pop off with, "Well, that's excactly what my ex used to do to me," you're on your way to being in the 70 percenters.
   Reality Check: Get rid of the old baggage even if it means going to a good counselor to help you sort out those old bad feelings so that the next love of your life will be free to be him or herself without you making a lot of unfair connections with your past.

   Third and Finally, why do you insist on disdaining someone who does not measure up to your standards even though he or she might be a wonderful person who would love you dearly?
   Have you ever actually talked with a resingled person who has unrealistic expectations? They are totally annoying. They are also still single and will probably remain that way unless they happen to talk someone into helping them become part of the 70 percenters.
   Okay, so you are a college professor with a masters degree in education. Are you really going to walk past some beautiful person who would totally love you just because they have no more than a high school education?
   Yes, you want a tall slender curvy blonde with a pretty face. Dude, you are sixty years old! Get over it! That short lady with the cute face would make you the happiest man in the world if you'd give her half a chance.
   Alright, you want someone who is equal to you regarding your financial status. If that's the case, you best join SugarDaddy.com and keep your fingers crossed for a very long time. You see, that guy who goes to work every day and makes a moderate income might very well be a man who will fulfill your days and nights like no one else possibly could; especially some guy who spends most of his time balancing his Swiss bank accounts.
   Reality Check: Perhaps at this point in life, spending the rest of it with someone who truly loves us is much better than spending it alone while we wait for Prince Charming or Sleeping Beauty.

   We're older now and our choices are much more limited. If ever there was a time to be realistic, it is now; especially when it comes to finding true love.
    If you really do want to live happily ever after, then find someone whose worst characteristics are at least tolerable and get on with it.
    Remember, 87% of people over sixty remain alone the rest of their lives.
    Do you really want to be an 87 percenter?

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The mission of this not-for-profit website is to promote clear insights and toleration regarding the many variations of primary relationships that exist in our world. We ask for neither acceptance or approval but hope that each visitor who reviews the pages of this site will leave them with a better understanding of the numerous cultural, historical, preferential, religious, sexual, and sociological approaches to coupling that have always existed and will continue to exist as long as there are at least two human beings living on this planet. If the effort put into creating and maintaining this site results in others coming to the realization that the basic human need to love and be loved takes on many forms which are accepted by those who practice them, whether right or wrong as determined by the personal belief system of others, then it will have served it's purpose well.