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The
Witches
of Endor
A Response from
the
Author of
"Mama's
Secrets"
to Vincent's
Article
"Middleaged
Women"
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I ran across an article
written by a man named Vincent that really bunched my panties. At
first glance, I thought that he was completely off base, but the more I
thought about his comments, the more I realized he had a point. It begins…
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“This
is one middle-aged single guy who has dated enough women near my age to
realize that too many of them are still alone because they continue to
insist that any relationship be on their terms--with no compromise.”
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I can’t begin to tell you just how much this comment upset
me - not because the comment was made, but because I’m afraid it just may
be true.
Women of a certain age, me included, complain because
our male counterparts are all chasing after 20 year old twinkys.
No wonder. When faced with the prospect of an unyielding brick wall,
or a pliable, eager to please 20 year old, it’s a no brainer. A man
would have to be a masochist to keep banging his head into the brick wall,
when a nice soft pillow is right there waiting for him.
Why would a woman be so insistent on “no compromise”?
Well, most times rigidity is really the product of fear. People,
of both sexes, have built up impenetrable outer shells. Those shells
aren’t founded on intelligence, or experience, they’re founded on fear;
fear of being hurt; fear of being taken advantage of; and maybe a fear
of happiness.
Instead of letting themselves bend in the wind, like the
proverbial willow, they dig their heels in and face the world like an uncompromising
oak tree. Maybe “happiness” is too daunting a proposition.
Vincent goes on to quote these Witches of Endor.
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“I
don't cook meals at home anymore.”
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Woman, if a man took the time to do something special
for you, something he knew you’d appreciate, wouldn’t you be thrilled to
pieces? How many times have you moaned and groaned that the man in
your life doesn’t think of you? Do you ever think of him?
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Believe me; I’m not cut from that “do anything for your
man” fabric. Not even once did I greet my husband at the door, wrapped
only in Saran Wrap. Well, maybe a few times in heels, and a little…ah,
but I digress.
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Cooking for someone is anything but a subservient act.
It’s a wonderful opportunity to show someone that they’re important enough
for you to make an effort. More often than not, it’s nicer to have a relaxing
dinner at home, with good conversation, as opposed to some noisy restaurant,
that regardless of your reservation, always necessitates a 45 minute wait
at the bar.
And cooking together? Let me go on record right
here…cooking together can be great fun, and a prelude to something even
more fun.
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“I
need my space.”
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Well, uh, yeah. Don’t we all? What could possibly
be worse than having your significant other, or anyone else for that matter,
attached at the hip?
If you’re too busy to fit a man into your schedule, then
perhaps you shouldn’t have a relationship at all. And, if you’re
obtuse enough to even make that statement, “I need my space”, believe me
you’re going to be afforded tons of space.
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"My
career is more important to me than anything."
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If a man actually said that to my face, he’d soon be staring
at my pert little butt.
In essence, what you’re saying is, “I don’t need you”.
Gee whiz, what music to a man’s ears. My dear, your career won’t
hold you on a cold winter’s night; it won’t wipe away your tears when you’re
afraid; and it certainly won’t be there to share all the joys life and
love have to offer.
So go ahead, cozy up to your 401K, and enjoy. |
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"Men
have been one disappointment after another."
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Disappointment, in all things, is part of life.
I hate to get all Buddhist on you, but if you don’t know sadness, how will
you recognize happiness?
Like anyone that’s ever taken a single breath, I’ve been
lied to, cheated on, used, abused – and basically experienced all that
goes along with a country and western song. My dog even died!
Basically, I’ve lived, and in the vernacular, “shit happens”.
Although unpleasant, it all goes towards learning from
our mistakes, and building character.
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"I
want to remain single and will never marry again."
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“Methinks thou dost protest too much.”
Anyone that speaks in such absolutes is one frightened
woman, that’s probably dying to get married, and is terrified no one will
ask her. Chances are she’s scared to death of anything new or different,
and is too wrapped up in her own little rigid world.
If she’s truly not interested in marriage or a serious
committed relationship, fine. She can find another player, as self
absorbed as she, and have a wonderful, surface only relationship.
To quote one of my favorite books, The Road Less Traveled,
“Life is difficult”.
Why make it even more difficult, by being rigid or afraid?
We’ve all been hurt, some more than others. It’s part of being human.
It’s also human to “pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all
over again”.
Look, I’m not setting myself up as the Arbiter of Female
Mental Health and Comportment for the western hemisphere. I’m the least
perfect, most neurotic person I know. I simply prefer to take situations,
i.e., men, on a case by case basis, rather than look for monsters around
every corner. You know what? If you keep looking for monsters,
they’ll be there.
Men and women are different, but we’re also very much
the same. We all have feelings; needs, desires, and Lord knows we’re
all highly fragile. Maybe if both sexes would simply open up, and be the
wonderfully flawed creatures that we all are, life and love would be so
much easier.
So, my dear Vincent, there is hope. This is one
middle aged woman that loves to cook; that’s experienced more disappointments
than a Tammy Wynette song; that works; that enjoys her free time, but still
manages to compromise…and can be compromised...if I’m so inclined.
~ "D" of Mama's Secrets
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A Response from
Vincent...
It
was an honor to have D respond to my article so positively and with such
insight. In the meantime, I have indeed found a lady who exemplifies
all that D implied. We have been married for almost two years and
she is the love and joy of my life. D is right. There are some
wonderful women out there who represent all that is good about the female
of the species. I found one myself. |
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The mission of this not-for-profit website is to promote clear insights
and toleration regarding the many variations of primary relationships that
exist in our world. We ask for neither acceptance or approval but
hope that each visitor who reviews the pages of this site will leave them
with a better understanding of the numerous cultural, historical, preferential,
religious, sexual, and sociological approaches to coupling that have always
existed and will continue to exist as long as there are at least two human
beings living on this planet. If the effort put into creating and
maintaining this site results in others coming to the realization that
the basic human need to love and be loved takes on many forms which are
accepted by those who practice them, whether right or wrong as determined
by the personal belief system of others, then it will have served it's
purpose well. |
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