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The financial consequences of divorce
can be staggering.
Those who have been married
for less than 15 to 20 years may very well escape having to pay any spousal
support but child support |
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will be mandetory based on the number of minor
children.
At any rate, those whose ages ranges from 20 to 40 will
probably not have to pay alimony. First of all, the law recognizes
that most people are still young enough at those ages to develop their
own career and, secondly, those who
have been married longer are deemed to be more responsible for the welfare
of the mate who makes the lesser income.
Regardless of what anyone might say, those standards
are just. An individual who is still young enough to gain the knowledge
and experience needed to produce an income should not have the right to
financially penalize an ex-mate. Conversely, a woman in her mid-fifties
should not be expected to live in poverty because her marriage to a husband,
who was the breadwinner, was legally disolved.-
Furthermore, it is equally true that the court systems
can be somewhat unjust when it comes to the specific monetary awards to
the ex-mate of many years who has the lesser income. However, the
supporting party has the right to contest such judgements and any supporting
evidence can indeed change the amount specified in the court order.
Nevertheless, it is indeed fair that a long-term relationship that ends
in divorce should be one where both parties share the liabilities and assets
equally. The factor of age is a fair standard despite the frustration
of those whose self-centeredness would wish a mate of many years to suffer
while they go on to live free of any liability to provide for the basic
needs of someone who was loved for so long.
On the other hand, a needy ex-mate who makes unfair demands
upon the supporting party is just as wrong for being unreasonable.
Somewhere in the mix of all of the rangling and haggling that takes place
through any divorce proceeding, there is a reasonable point of fairness
where both parties will be able to deal with the financial consequences.
Regardless of what anyone who has ever been divorced would tell you, the
courts are generally fair and just in their approach to financial settlements
for the purpose of securing a divorce order. |
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It comes down to this...
What price are you willing to pay to gain your freedom?
Having personally been through the divorce mill, I have
come to some conclusions based on my own experience.
As a result, I am convinced that some very unhappily
married people stay confined within those relationships because, frankly,
they refuse to face the horrid financial losses that a divorce is sure
to cause. They would rather sacrifice their basic human need for
true love just so that they can keep their home, their gadgets, and their
401K plan. Conversely, I am equally convinced that those who do opt
to legally end their marriages have no idea how much it is going to cut
into their bank accounts.
| Besides the expected attorney fees (between
$75.00 and $100.00 an hour), there is child support, spousal support, court
costs (perhaps even for the other person), paying off old debts, your current
living expenses, and any number of other costs that the court deems reasonable. |
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Getting a divorce is a very expensive undertaking. Rarely
do those who decide to go through with it actually understand all that
it will entail.-
That being said, I again must tell you that, in
my case, it was worth it all. You see, no one can put a price on
personal freedom just as no one can quantify the loyalty of a mate who
has spent most of his/her life in a legal relationship with you.
Both share equal merit. She who gave so much of her life as my mate,
bore me a family full of wonderful children, and supported me through the
many challenges of life for so long deserves what I have been ordered to
pay out everytime my employer cuts me a paycheck. There is no doubt
about that.
However, regardless of the lowering of my standard
of living, one factor overshadows all of this.
I am free!
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Having weighed out the choices between staying with
someone whose lifeviews had become so much more narrow, while mine expanded
due to the experiences of life, I found myself being suffocated.
Regardless of the final death throws of our relationship, the sure knowledge
that there was little left of love between
us forced me to consider the probability of financeial stress as compared
to remaining in a relationship that had become so flat lined. She
never saw it that way. I felt it for years and, regardless of my
begging for her to understand, she remained oblivious. As a result,
I ended up financially strapped and emotionally wiped. Nevertheless,
escaping the many years of settling for a mundane relationship has proven
to be well worth it all.
Today, I am a free man. In fact, I will never
forget that last court appearance where we agreed to a settlement in front
of the presiding judge. As my attorney and I entered the hallway
outside of the courtroom, my soon-to-be ex-wife's attorney greeted me with
a warm handshake and, while looking up at my lawyer, simply and honestly
stated, "Let's give these two people their freedom!"
By the time when the judge signed the final decree
of divorcement, I found myself financially starting over again in my early
fifties. Yet, it was a day of liberation and rejoicing that, finally, I
was free to find true love again--filled with hope in the future and a
soulful faith that there is indeed life after divorce.
The bottom line is this...
You can either stay within the confines of an unhappy
marriage while holding on to your assets or you can strike out for freedom
and end up with a list of liabilities. When it comes to divorce,
few people manage to have their cake and eat it, too.
Obviously, many choose to remain married to someone
they no longer truly love. As for me, I came to the decision that
it is better to spend the last third of my life with someone whom I deeply
love regardless of my financial circumstances. Not everyone shares
those same values. Yet, I was forced to make that decision and did
so with much thought and reflection upon all that it meant and involved.
Yes, I lost much in the way of material belongings.
On the other hand, I found myself.
As difficult as it was, I would not go back for
all the gold in Fort Knox.
I am free and no one can put a price on that.
Not her. Not my children. Not me.
I am free! |
© all rights reserved - 10/22/2001----
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The mission of this not-for-profit website is to promote clear insights
and toleration regarding the many variations of primary relationships that
exist in our world. We ask for neither acceptance or approval but
hope that each visitor who reviews the pages of this site will leave them
with a better understanding of the numerous cultural, historical, preferential,
religious, sexual, and sociological approaches to coupling that have always
existed and will continue to exist as long as there are at least two human
beings living on this planet. If the effort put into creating and
maintaining this site results in others coming to the realization that
the basic human need to love and be loved takes on many forms which are
accepted by those who practice them, whether right or wrong as determined
by the personal belief system of others, then it will have served it's
purpose well. |
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