|Therefore, enjoying physical intimacy with someone new adds spice to
life. Some even believe that by having an affair outside of thier
marriages, they will be able to appreciate their mates more, thus enhancing
thier marriages. Of course, their mates never seem to be able to
agree to that concept.
Sinful: Those who view manogomy from a religious
point of view see affairs as being outside of God's will and the teachings
of His Word. As a result, they perceive infidelity as sin that can
only be forgiven when the sinner reconciles with God and his/her mate.
The weakness of this approach is that God seems to have a shorter memory
than His forgiven children.
We no longer stone, flog, or crucify adulterers.
There are no more scarlet letters. Yet, the price can be very costly
when an affair is devulged.
Emotional Pain: The shock and resulting hurt that occurs
when an affair is revealed goes to the deepest part of all of our human
emotions. The pain experienced by the innocent mate can be unbearable.
Distrust: Trust is the foundation stone of every good
relationship. Betrayal means having to rework one's entire perception
of the other person. Once trust has been broken, it is very difficult
to get it back. Most marriages do not survive an affair.
Family: Children are seriously affected by a parent's
indiscretion and unfaithfulness to the other parent. Regardless of
their age, they are likely to "take sides" with the innocent party, thus
resulting in cutting off or alienating the errent parent. Unfortunately,
this causes even more hurt but is one of the consequences of an affair.
Friends: When an affair is revealed, it evokes many different
types of responses and reactions. Those who are level headed people
in healthy relationships are more apt to be helpful to both parties.
Those who have marital problems of their own will feel very threatened
and will more than likely react instead.
Financial: A gilted mate can become
so enraged that the monetary ramifications
of an affair can result in the loss of everything that you have.
There are few other dilemmas in a marriage
relationship that produce such emotional anxiety. The tendency of
the offended lover will be to become very vindictive and, should a divorce
occur, the threat to your finances will be staggering. Bet on it.
It's not right but it will be the reality.
We are less likely to allow ourselves to enter into an
affair when we take the time to consider what the results might be.
Also, human beings have safeguards built into them which instinctively
respond to the danger signs which mark a marriage is being in trouble.
Jelousy: This emotion
is usually considered to be a negative one. However, it may be the
very thing that causes us to sense when our mate might be experiencing
temptation. As a result, we instinctively step in and draw a line
before infidelity has a chance to take place.
Consequences: This includes the loss of one's mate, respect
of children, standing in the community, and the resulting financial problems
that come with the breakup of a marriage.
Societal Controls: Laws, relgion, and high standards of
moral responsibility instill within us a revulsion for cheating.
Keep the Passion Burning: Apathy and neglect are the two
biggest killers of what was once a happy, healthy primary relationship.
Communicate: Talk with and listen to each other. A relationship
between two people precludes one or both being a "Silent Sam." There
must be ongoing, regular mutual communication if the marriage is to remain
satisfying to both.
A Final Word...
Affairs are not unusual. In fact, they are more
common than most of us imagine. Regardless of any possible justification,
the fundamental truth is that they result in more harm than good.
It only stands to reason that any relationship that must be kept a secret
is not one that is what it ought to be.
Still, no one can deny that there are many men and women
who take part in such a relationship. Whether it is the result of
a deep lonliness due to a failing marriage or a lack of character that
tends toward immorality, they happen. Not one single generation in
the history of mankind has escaped the impact of marital infidelity.
Some have simply been more successful at keeping such things under wraps.
So do the consequences that result from entering into
a relationship that is outside the bonds of marriage.
Consequences happen, too.
You can bet on it.
just picked up a wine bottle that had just moments ago held a last glassfull
of Cabernet Sauvignon. The wine was wonderful. It complimented
a fantastic mushroom spahetti dinner. At moments like this I find
myself revelling in life and the blessings of actually having been given
the gift of being alive to enjoy such pleasures.
on every shelf in every liquor store across the country.
The artist who designed the label took as much pride in seeing his creation
published on every wine bottle produced by the Gallos. The bottle
is not the wine but, regardless, it holds it safely and securely.
| Then, I took the bottle in
my hand and prepared to toss it out. Instead, for some unknown reason,
I stopped for a moment to contemplate it's beauty. Someone took great
pride in designing it. The two Gallo brothers have held one just
like it in their hands and were thrilled to see their product
By contrast, the wine glass
is not so glorious. It is plain and simple by comparison. Yet,
it is the very thing from which the wine is sipped. Otherwise, we
would drink it straight from the bottle.
You see, the wine bottle is much
larger and certainly has much more to offer in so many ways. The
wine glass is simple by comparison. Yet, it is the glass who provides
the taste that satisfies.
Perhaps you can interpret
the meaning of this in contrast to the subject of experiencing an extra-marital
affair. On the other hand, it might make no sense to you at all.
You figure it out.
© all rights reserved - 10/22/2001