The Dilemma

Dilemma: A situation that requires a choice between equally unfavorable or mutually exclusive options.

You're the Psychologist...
   Here's your chance to be a professional psychologist.
   There are nine scenarios below (four on this page and five on the next). Each one contains both his and her point of view regarding some of the more often argued about topics when a couple finds themselves in crisis.
   Your goal is to is to help them save their marriage.
   What would you recommend to the couple in each case? Is there something that they should do to work through their problems and heal their marriage?
   Okay, doctor, the ball is in your court. Go for it....

The Revelation of an Affair

   Okay, I admit it! What's the use in hiding it anymore. It's probably good that it's all out in the open now. Yes, I did have an affair. I know it goes against everything both of us believe in, but I went through with it afterall.
   It just happened. Things have not been good at home.
We haven't made love in a long time. I feel like I am always in trouble; like I can't do enough to please her.
   We've talked and talked and we don't seem to get anywhere. I gave up. That's what the affair was all about. I lost hope and gave up. That's what the affair was all about. I lost hope and gave up. I don't care anymore.

   Why did he do it? What in the world could he have been thinking?
   I would never think to sleep with another man. I couldn't do it no matter how serious our problems are. Oh, I've thought about it alright. I've even had some opportunities, but I would never actually do it.
   He didn't even stop to think what this would do to our marriage. As far as I am concerned, this may mean the end. Once more, I can't begin to think about letting him touch me. Not only is the hurt so deep, but he might have some kind of sexually transmitted disease.

The Problem with Apathy

I use to look so forward to getting home from work just to be with her for the rest of the evening. Well, that seems like a long time ago, now. In fact, there is little between us anymore.
So, I usually take a quick shower, sit donw in the living room to watch television after dinner, and then wonder off to bed to call it a day.
Of course, she is always sound asleep when I get there with her t.v. still on. I turn it off every night. She turns me off every night as well.

   There was a time when I did care--deeply. Now, nothing really matters any more. We use to do everything together. Lately, we don't even talk other than the normal things that people who live together say to each other.
   I really miss the wonderful conversations that we use to have. Then there were those walks when we would hold hands and enjoy just being together. We don't even cuddle anymore.
   I don't know when it all stopped. It just did.

The Issue of Unexpected Changes

   All I know is that I married this beautiful lady who kept herself up really nice. Ever since the first of our children was born, it has been down hill all the way.
   She cut her hair short, never wears makeup unless she is going out somewhere, wears sloppy clothing, and is starting to look more and more like her mother.
   Besides that, she isn't at all like she use to be. We had a lot of fun together at the start. Now, she is always too tired to have any fun.
   I didn't change. She did.

   Oh, yeah, let him give brith to three babies, change all of those diapers, wipe their noses, and then, when they are older, get them ready for school every day!
   Then, I am supposed to look like some beautifully madeup model when he gets home?
   Since when does he help me around the house? I not only work a regular job, but have to do all of the household things besides. He takes out the garbage and thinks that he has knocked off a big one.
   Of course, I've changed.

Sexual Differences


I remember a time when all I had to do was wink at her and then find a trail of clothes leading to our bedroom. That day is long gone. Now, I practically have to get down on my hands and knees to beg her for sex. How long do you have to be married before lovemaking is something you don't have to work for everytime you want it?	He was once so sweet and romantic. Now, he thinks that being sexy is jumping me, doing his thing, and then running out to the living room to see if one of his favorite shows is on. Anyhow, I am tired of the same thing time after time. I might as well install a television in the ceiling for all our "love making" is worth.

Five More Dilemmas

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The mission of this not-for-profit website is to promote clear insights and toleration regarding the many variations of primary relationships that exist in our world. We ask for neither acceptance or approval but hope that each visitor who reviews the pages of this site will leave them with a better understanding of the numerous cultural, historical, preferential, religious, sexual, and sociological approaches to coupling that have always existed and will continue to exist as long as there are at least two human beings living on this planet. If the effort put into creating and maintaining this site results in others coming to the realization that the basic human need to love and be loved takes on many forms which are accepted by those who practice them, whether right or wrong as determined by the personal belief system of others, then it will have served it's purpose well.