Defined: The legal dissolution of a marriage; to end
the marriage with one's spouse; to cut off or separate. One of the
most difficult things that you will ever experience in your life.
|The Reasons Why...
In a perfect world, people would love
one another, never hurt each other, and always enjoy being together.
There would be no arguing, taking others for granted, or abusing
each other. Friends would be friendly, sweethearts would be sweet,
and lovers would love; and then love
some more. The telephone bill, children, and job pressures
would never be enough to cause us to take things out on one another.
Every moment shared with our mates would be a gift of time that one gives
to the other. Each little favor done would be treasured and appreciated.
No misconceptions or wrong perceptions would exist. There would be
harmony, joy, and satisfaction in every relationship. No one would
ever get a separation or a divorce. There would be no such things
as anger, frustration, and giving up on each other. Men and women
would stay happily married all of their
lives. Love would always rule the day.
It's not a perfect world.
Now, once loving couples can't stand being in the same
room together. Men who couldn't wait to find their wives after getting
home from work now find the remote control first and could care less if
their mates are home. Women who enjoyed the warm embrace of their
best friend and lover cringe when touched and would rather be left alone.
Financial problems, stress from work, and the disagreements on how to deal
with raising teenagers have all taken their toll. If one hasn't already
had an affair, he/she is thinking about
They do nothing but frustrate, aggrivate, and hurt each other.
Day after day it's the same thing.
Some who fall into any of the scenarios above manage to
learn to cope with everything. They stay married for reasons such
as religious convictions, shared histories,
the children, fear of being insecure,
or, in all truth, apathy.
Most get divorced.
Well over half of all married couples will eventually
do so. Fifty years ago, only one couple in five legally ended their
marriages. In many situations it was thought to be scandelous.
In some cases it meant the loss of one's job and respect in the community.
Now, with 52% of married people calling it quits, divorce has become commonplace.
Even second and third divorces are becoming more acceptable. Some
learn from their failed marriages and go on to find another relationship
that lasts a lifetime. Others learn very little, if anything, and
go on to drag their excess baggage into the next relationship; thus, dooming
it from the very beginning.
A dear friend of this writer once said, "I think marriages
should have term limitations." At first, that sounds like a very
pessimistic statement. However, even though it would never be accepted,
the concept of knowing that we will only have the other person in our lives
for, say, five years might cause us to treasure them more and make the
short time together more meaningful and successful. As it is, few
who even live long enough actually make it to their fifty year wedding
anniversaries. Thanks to modern medical science, we live longer and
old longterm relationships do not not necessarily remain vibrant enough
to reach a fifty year wedding anniversary. In fact, many marriages
don't make it past the seventh year. Some are even counted in terms
Are you considering getting a divorce?
It may resolve your current problems but it raises a whole
other set of issues. Read on and take time to think this through
before making a decision.
The decision to marry was the most important one you ever
made. Getting a divorce may supercede it.
People who haven't experienced a marital divorce usually
can't understand how deep, how stressful, and how painful it is. Try to
explain it to "divorce newbees" and they will not really understand all
that is involved.
At some point in the past (sometimes the very recent past)
you felt the sensual, ecstatic thrill of total trust and intimacy
with the same person who has now become your adversary. You feel bewildered
and betrayed. Of course it's going to hurt.
Another reason is that most people who are going through
a divorce have to deal with so many losses all at the same time. There
is the pain of a broken relationship. Also, you are hurting because
of possibly feeling that you have been betrayed by your spouse. Perhaps
it has to do with someone in your immediate family who contributed to the
demise of a once loving relationship.
Often, at the same time, you're also stressed in regard
to the changes in your life as there are so many such of them that are
associated with a divorce. Sometimes you have to change where you live,
how you spend your day, what you can afford to do (or not do), how much
time you spend with your children, and new limitations that will directly
impact your future--all while you're trying to deal with a whole new world
of lawyers, judges, legal paperwork, and court hearings.
we are willing to admit it or not, there's still a sense of shame connected
with divorce. It carries with it a sense of having failed.
The emotional price of divorce is heavy. However,
those who go on to find happiness are able to do so because they somehow
find the strength to pull it all together and go on with their lives.
Whether it's becoming involved in a singles group, taking a course, seeing
a good counselor, etc., or all of the above, life can be good again following
the breakup of a marriage.
Divorce is never easy.
However, there is life after divorce.
rights reserved - 10/22/2001--
The mission of this not-for-profit website is to promote clear insights
and toleration regarding the many variations of primary relationships that
exist in our world. We ask for neither acceptance or approval but
hope that each visitor who reviews the pages of this site will leave them
with a better understanding of the numerous cultural, historical, preferential,
religious, sexual, and sociological approaches to coupling that have always
existed and will continue to exist as long as there are at least two human
beings living on this planet. If the effort put into creating and
maintaining this site results in others coming to the realization that
the basic human need to love and be loved takes on many forms which are
accepted by those who practice them, whether right or wrong as determined
by the personal belief system of others, then it will have served it's