Some loves never die. He
couldn't take his eyes off of her. He never could. There was
little left of her as a result of several months of struggling with a form
of incurable cancer, but it had not diminished his love for her in the
slightest. She had a beautiful soul and that was all that he
could see now. It was all that he had ever seen.
Robert had a quiet nature. In his youth
he had been very shy, an introspective boy with an unassuming nature.
As he grew up he found it hard to relate to others, especially women.
He had concluded as a young man that life for him would be a loveless one.
His resignation to spending his future alone was obvious to those who knew
him. What few friends he did have saw in him, just below the
surface, a kind of sadness. Thin smiles and a pleasant demeanor were
not enough to hide his loneliness.
Then it happened.
Like so many evenings before, he had been
sitting at his computer surfing through the various internet chat rooms.
He knew that he didn't have the glibness or the boldness of the men who
easily flirted with women, so he avoided the more risque' rooms.
He much more preferred the company of those who enjoyed intelligent and
creative forms of conversation. Most of his evenings were spent visiting
the rooms where everything from philosophy to politics was discussed.
He had a particular appreciation for good poetry and looked forward to
meeting a handful of unseen faces whom he had come to know in one such
room. Finding them in the late night hours had become his favorite
pastime–-a passion of sorts.
In the real world he was a lonely man, but
in Chatville he was "Gentl2U". In this safe place he had found a
way to overcome his fear of people; to relate to them with some degree
of confidence. There was no judgement here–just friendly typed-in
smiles <s> and lots of warm {{{{{hugs}}}}}.
On this particular evening fate would intervene.
It would be the beginning of the end of his loneliness.
"AngelLady" entered the room.
He had been hiding in the attic of the "Poetry
Corner" where amateur poets read their original works for each other's
approval. He hadn't even noticed when the room greeter first announced
her arrival.
Room Greeter:
"AngelLady" is in the room
Longfellow:
{{{{{angellady}}}}}
SoulToucher:
Hello Lady <s>
AManHere:
hey, angel, wanna boogie
AngelLady:
Thank you for the very friendly welcome.
It was her response that first caught Robert's
eyes. It wasn't that she started her sentence in the upper case and
placed a period at the end of it. That in itself is unusual in the
world of abbreviated chat. It was something more than that.
There was warmth and kindness in her short seven word answer. No
one else but he seemed to notice it. He found himself wondering if
her nickname would pop up once more on his monitor screen, and what she
might say.
Griffin:
is it my turn to read
Longfellow:
go griffin
AManHere:
<—wants to hug the angellady
Griffin:
my poem is entitled.....
Years later Robert tried to recall Griffin's
poem. It had something to do with a woman having found love only
to lose it. He remembered that much because of the comment she had
made when the reading was over.
SoulToucher:
Grif, outdid yourself with that one <s>
Longfellow:
<applause>
AngelLady:
"Man's love is man's life a part; it is woman's whole
existence." --Lord Byron
Robert was stunned. She was actually
quoting Byron. He had to find out who this "AngelLady" was.
His fingers began dancing on the keyboard
in front of him.
Gentl2U:
"Mind is the partial side of man; the heart is
everything." –Rivarol
AngelLady:
Well, a man after my own heart. <S>
Gentl2U:
Does your heart need looking
after, Angel?
Robert could not believe what he had just typed.
The words just seemed to jump onto the screen in front of him before he
really had a chance to think about it. It was impulsive and now he
could only hold his breath.
AManHere:
hey angel, let me look after your heart
AngelLady:
Gentl2U, will you be gentle with it?
Robert froze. He did not know how to
respond. Only one word came to his mind.....
Gentl2U:
Very
In the corner of his screen a notice appeared
announcing that someone wanted to have a private chat with him.
Her nickname appeared with a simple one word greeting next to it: Hi!
They spent the next hour together; one short
response after another. He learned that her name was Becky.
She was a bank teller in a city some two hours away. Not only was
she close in proximity, but she was also within a year of his own age and
single besides. Their discoveries of shared interests and mutual
visits to some of the same out-of-the-way places added to their initial
attraction to each other.
At one point Becky sensed his reserve and
told him that she especially liked men who were shy. He felt comfortable
with her. She felt the same way with him.
They exchanged e-mail addresses and agreed
to look for each other again when on the internet. It was Robert
who took the lead. He composed a short note to her just before he
signed-off for the night. He simply told her that he had really enjoyed
the chat and that he was hoping that she would be on-line the following
evening.
He was surprised to find a note from her waiting
in his mailbox when he checked his e-mail the next afternoon.
It only had two words written on it: "Find me."
Robert did find her that night. In fact,
he found her every night for several weeks. Their many notes to each
other got more frequent and personal. They seemed to be able to share
things with each other that they did not feel free to tell anyone else.
Each discovery of a shared interest or a similar experience brought them
closer together.
They were fast becoming good friends and neither
one had any idea what the other one looked like nor did they even care.
They both knew that it really didn't matter but that would soon change.
It was Becky who first suggested it.
One evening while chatting, she asked Robert if
he would be interested in meeting her. For a moment he was taken
back. Everything had been easy and comfortable up to now.
The possibility of actually meeting her face to face had crossed his mind
before but it had also left him with some feelings of anticipation.
He had no doubt concerning his feelings for her. What concerned him
most was whether or not she would like him; that she might be disappointed
to find out what he really looked like. Perhaps such a meeting would
prove to be a disaster and this sweet little computer romance would be
over. Then he would be alone again just like before.
Nevertheless, he knew that she was expecting
an answer and his mind told him to answer with a "not yet". To his
own amazement, his heart took control of his keyboard and he responded
with a "when?" instead.
"AngelLady" flashed a grin <g> on the screen
and let him know that she was hoping that it might be soon.
In that moment Robert decided to simply relax
and go with the flow of this thing. After all, how long could an
internet relationship last if the two people involved were to never really
meet each other?
He did not want Becky to feel nervous or tense
so he suggested that they should meet in a public place. Since there
were just a few hours between them, they decided to meet at a restaurant
with which they were both familiar. The one they decided on was near
the half-way point. It would have to be a dinner date since they
both worked day jobs and the following Friday evening just happened to
be open for the both of them. He had no way of knowing that she,
too, had some concerns about the wisdom of their meeting. It just
seemed to her that the time had come; that putting it off any longer might
cause him to start losing interest. She could not have known that,
as far as he was concerned, it could never have happened.
The rain beat against the pavement of the parking
lot as Robert sat and waited in his car. He had originally thought
that he would arrive a few minutes early and go inside the restaurant to
be there to greet her, but he had changed his mind. Instead, he had
decided to remain outside so that he could get the first possible glimpse
of her there. The excitement of this meeting had driven him to arrive
a good half of an hour early.
The only description he had of her was that
she would be driving a dark green Camaro and would be wearing a white overcoat.
Every few moments he would turn his car engine back on so that the heater
would clear the windows to be able to see out. The anticipation was
building but at least now it was a good kind of anticipation.
It was just a few minutes before the time
that they had agreed upon when he caught a glimpse of a car fitting her
description pulling into the parking lot. It pulled into an empty
space behind him and he strained to look through his rear view mirror to
see it if might be her. The door on the driver's side opened and
a blonde-haired female figure wrestled to open an umbrella over her head
before getting out. As she stood he could see that she had a long
white overcoat on. She was tall and very fine featured. Her
hair curled and cascaded over her shoulders. She was so pretty
and he felt so ordinary.
Without thinking, Robert jumped out of his
car into the pelting rain and yelled out, "Hey, lady, have you got room
for me under that umbrella?" She turned and smiled. There was
a cute twinkle in her eyes as she did. She nodded in recognition
and, for a moment, just stood there and looked across the aisle of the
parking lot right into his eyes. As the raindrops soaked his face
and hair, he paused long enough to return her gaze. This was not
just a case of two strangers meeting. This was something much, much
more.
Their trance was only broken when a car passed
in between them. They met each other half-way and, as he ducked his
head under her umbrella, she flashed a smile at him. He impulsively
put his arm around her waist feeling as if, somehow, it was the natural
and right thing to do. She leaned into him as they walked up the
ramp together. There was an easiness about this that surprised both
of them.
Later on, they would remember that there never
was a formal introduction made between them. That would have been
out of place for two people who were already falling in love with each
other. She knew that this was her "Gentl2U" and he knew that this
was his "AngelLady."
He was a little more nervous than her at first
but his jitters soon subsided. Their conversation flowed easily.
They laughed together and even shared some
of their deepest thoughts with each other. It was as if they
were all alone despite the busy crowd of customers that surrounded them.
At one point Robert reached across the table
where Becky's hand was resting and turned his hand palm up in front of
her. She responded and placed her hand in his. They held on
to each other this way for most of the rest of the evening. He asked
her once if her hand was getting tired. She replied with a very sweet smile,
"No, it is happy right where it is."
There was one moment, though, when Robert
thought that he had ruined the evening for the both of them. He had
stood up to go get their coats and accidentally upset the table, spilling
an untouched glass of water along with a number of other items. She
saw his embarrassment so she giggled, scrunched up her nose, and began
dabbing the water up with her napkin. She sensed how badly he felt
and told him that she, too, had recently spilled a soda on
a co-worker's lap. She wanted him to smile and he did.
Sometimes a little vulnerability goes a long way.
As the rain continued to beat against the
window next to their table, it was obvious that whatever the magic is that
can happen to two people who are falling in love was indeed taking place
at that moment. They could see it in each other's eyes and they were
not afraid to at least allude to it.
As they continued their conversation, it was
Robert who expressed the observation that the whole thing seemed so backwards.
The normal way that people meet and fall in love was one
of mutual attraction, getting to know each other, and then
finally developing strong feelings for each other. In Chatville,
people get to know each other first and then possibly meet to discover
if there is any attraction. As he held on to Becky's hand, he squeezed
it a little tighter and admitted that he already had feelings for her.
The word "love" did not seem appropriate yet, although he knew in his own
heart that he was already there. It just didn't seem like the wise
thing to say as it might come across too strongly at this point.
He did not want to scare her off.
What he did not realize was that she, too,
was already beginning to fall in love with him. This meeting only
confirmed what she knew was beginning to take place within her. Sometimes
love runs in before anyone realizes that the door had been left open.
The walk back through the parking lot was
more pleasant as the evening rain had stopped falling. The
neon lights from the restaurant sign alternated it's colors in the puddles
beneath their feet. Again he had his arm around her slim waist as
they skipped over and around the little pools of water. They laughed
and giggled all the way back to their cars. He held her closed umbrella
while she opened her purse to find the car key. As he handed it back
to her they both stopped
talking and became silent. Each knew what the other was thinking.
Robert gently reached out to her, held both of her hands, and bent down
to kiss her. She closed her eyes and felt his lips press against
hers. He wrapped his arms around her and she responded by leaning
into him.
In that moment both of them knew that this
was no dream. It was a wonderful reality borne of two people who
had found each other long before this first meeting. It was what
they both felt; the way that one heart sends a message to another that
this is me in here, and I want you to come inside and stay. It was
long, it was warm, and it was real; so much more than just a typed in line
on a monitor screen. A tear escaped Becky's eye. Joy has a
way of getting out any way that it can.
They promised that they would e-mail each
other right away to arrange another time to be together. She smiled
at him through the driver's side window as she drove her car into the busy
city traffic.
When Robert returned home that evening he
hurriedly threw off his coat and sat down in front of his computer.
His heart was so full and he had so much to tell her. After signing-on,
he clicked on the e-mail window and began to type:
"Becky, tonight was the most wonderful evening of my life. I didn't
want to go as we were saying goodbye. I could have held onto you
forever. Finding you has changed my life. What is happening
to us? Is it fate or are we just two very lucky people? The
whole time we were together was like walking through a dream...a very wonderful
dream. I don't ever want to wake up. Please let me see you
again. Could we go out again next Friday evening? Let me know
if this will work for you. If not, we could arrange another time
and hopefully soon. Could it be that tonight was only the beginning.
If so, I hope it will never ever end. Love always, Robert"
He took a few minutes to ponder the way that
he had signed the note.
Was the word "love" too premature to use? He decided that it
was indeed what he felt so he clicked the "send" icon and in a few seconds
the "message sent" window popped up on his screen.
This was the beginning of a nightly tradition
between them. He would compose a very sweet note for her each evening
so that she could find it in her new e-mail every morning. She would
then e-mail a note to him so that he could find it when he got home each
day. They continued to do this every
day even after their wedding. Within four months of their first meeting,
they recited their vows to each other. Robert had found in her the
very thing that he never expected to experience in his lifetime.
It is interesting how such things happen to those who least expect it.
Their marriage was one of great happiness
and satisfaction for both of them. Other than the normal realities
of life that are common to any relationship, their's was a very close and
tender one. Robert looked forward to his evenings with his wife.
He cherished Becky and it was evidenced in so many ways. Upon arriving
home, he would find her first just to hold her and to ask how
her day had gone. He didn't mind cooking for his wife from time to
time or going and getting some take-out food if she was tired. He
found numerous ways to show his thoughtfulness. Two dollar cards
and four dollar roses always made her feel like a million bucks.
Their nights were filled with intimacy and
both of them knew that romance really was all the little kisses in between.
For almost four years their love continued
to grow and become stronger. It seemed unimaginable to them that
anything could ever interfere with the happiness that they had found in
each other. That fate should deal such a hard hand was almost unimaginable.
The ovarian cancer had gone undetected and
was discovered too late. The chemotherapy and subsequent surgeries
had failed to put it into remission. The disease had taken it's toll
and Robert brought his wife home to die. He continued to do everything
that he possibly could to keep her comfortable and tend to her needs.
The end came slowly. Becky suffered
with the pain but rarely complained. There was little left of her.
He was gently holding her hand in those last few moments. Somehow
they both sensed that the last breath was near. He bent down
over her and held her in his arms. With what little strength she
had left within her, she opened her eyes to look at him one last time.
He kissed her gently and a tear escaped and slowly trailed down her cheek.
In a weakened voice she whispered only three words, "Love you forever."
Her exhausted body went limp and she died
as he was holding her. At that moment he recalled a rainy evening
when he gazed across a restaurant parking lot at an AngelLady in her white
coat holding up an umbrella.
Becky has been gone for over two years now.
Robert remains single but he is not the lonely man that he was before she
came into his life. His life had been empty then but now it was full
of sweet memories of a forever kind of love. He still sits at his
computer each evening and composes his sweet little notes to her.
Each time he sends one along his mind tells him that it will only go to
her mailbox where it will be automatically deleted in a few days.
Yet, she is still very much alive in his heart and doing this gives him
comfort. He always signs each one, "Love always, Robert".
Do you suppose that somewhere in that place
where lovers go, there is an "AngelLady" who reads every word?
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